Jokes 2

Al Franken was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.

When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.

"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

Al's smile faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
 
The men had been in battle for months. The Sargent gathered his unit together and said, "Men, I have good news." "Everyone is going to get a change of clothes".

After the high fives, and cheers (à la Rose Garden).

The Sargent said, "Bob, I want you to change clothes with Tom, and Tom, I want you to change clothes with Fred and so on and so forth."

Stay tuned.......
 
imagescarforsale2.jpg
 
In fact, Orman's portfolio is reminiscent of a story about Groucho Marx, the famous comedian who purportedly once toured the New York Stock Exchange and held court with the floor traders after the closing bell.

Knowing that Groucho was wealthy, one trader yelled out, "Hey Groucho, where do you invest your money?"

"I keep my money in Treasury bonds," is what the leader of the Marx brothers reportedly replied.

"They don't make you much money," a trader shouted back.

"They do," Groucho said drolly, "if you have enough of them."
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COLONIE - A local father and son are locked in jail after being accused of a most unusual crime. Police say they took half a dozen unmarked tombstones, altogether weighing about a ton.

This is a first for Colonie police and the granite company owner. Before this weekend there hadn't been a problem with the heavy grave markers disappearing.

There are several dozen tombstones standing outside at Stefanazzi and Spargo Granite Company on Route 9 in Colonie. Even the smallest weigh 300 pounds. The larger markers approach one ton.

That sheer tonnage makes them items not very likely to be stolen -- even if there was a use for them other than marking someone's grave, which there really isn't.

"That's what they're used for, memorials, and unless you have an absolute purpose for them in our industry, I have no idea or market, I have no idea why anybody would ever steal them," owner Richard Stefanazzi said.

Stefanazzi got a call a little bit after midnight Sunday from police. A neighbor had spotted two men loading tombstones onto their rental truck and got suspicious. Police stopped the pair carting off six of the smaller stones -- keeping in mind that still checks in at about a ton of granite -- and slapped on the cuffs.

"Really can't do anything else with it because it's already cut for a tombstone. So what their intentions were they didn't share with us, but it's a first for me because it seems like it's a narrow opportunity to get rid of something like that after you take it," Detective Lt. John Van Alstyne said.

Under arrest are 35-year-old Demetrius Lanier of Limerick Drive in Albany and his 19-year-old son Shateek Lanier from 10th Street in Troy.

There are no other reports of missing tombstones. So apparently the Laniers were trying something new. Their guilt or innocence yet to be established.

The big question remains unanswered -- what were the thieves planning to do with the tombstones? There really isn't any other use for them and there isn't much of a market in fencing hot grave markers. So far police say their suspects aren't offering any explanation.
 
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing. It's called the stock market

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being
called Wal-Mart Street

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker. The
pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las
Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria, if you get any emails from
Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it

7. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in
San Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors,
General Electric and Bank of America

8. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one of my
checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's.
 
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
 
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