Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
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A successful trader parked his brand-new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The trader immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming hysterically. His Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined. When the trader finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you traders are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the trader. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the trader. "My Rolex!"
California Drivers License Test
LA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:______________ Stage name:________________
Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________
Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor
vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: __________________. (If you don't own
a cell phone, please explain.)
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the backseat
[ ] Having sex
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.
TEST
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime;
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on
the
news on a high-speed chase;
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company
for 911 call not going through;
d) Call your therapist;
e) None of the above (South Central residents only).
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac;
b) Zovirax;
c) Lithium;
d) Zanax;
e) Valium.
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour;
b) 2 hours;
c) 3 hours;
d) 4 hours or more.
When stopped by police, should you
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
ready,
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
********************
Please turn in your test to the lady behind the bulletproof virtual window
on your left.
LA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:______________ Stage name:________________
Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________
Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly Male ___Formerly Female
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor
vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: __________________. (If you don't own
a cell phone, please explain.)
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the backseat
[ ] Having sex
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.
TEST
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime;
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on
the
news on a high-speed chase;
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company
for 911 call not going through;
d) Call your therapist;
e) None of the above (South Central residents only).
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac;
b) Zovirax;
c) Lithium;
d) Zanax;
e) Valium.
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour;
b) 2 hours;
c) 3 hours;
d) 4 hours or more.
When stopped by police, should you
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
ready,
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
********************
Please turn in your test to the lady behind the bulletproof virtual window
on your left.
Quote from nutmeg:
Ain't that da truth...LOL.
Only a drinking problem if you run out of booze, eh?
Don
what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? 