Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
I'm going for the best 2 out of three, I'll try again tomorrow. My initial impression is to not look at the 3 2 1 countdown, this 3 2 1 distorts the blank page you need on your brain. Secondly, I would not move your eyes reading left to right, a natural tendency, there is not enough time. Divide the screen in half and the left eye reads the left side of the screen and ditto for the right eye.
I scored 25 years younger than my chronological age. I'm gonna get that score down to four. EEehhhaaaawwwwwwwwww. Aahhh, to have the brain of a four year old.
I scored 25 years younger than my chronological age. I'm gonna get that score down to four. EEehhhaaaawwwwwwwwww. Aahhh, to have the brain of a four year old.
A man has been in business for many, many years and
the business is going down the drain. He is seriously
contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do.
He goes to the rabbi to seek his advice.
He tells the rabbi about all of his problems in the
business and asks the rabbi what he should do.
The rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put
them in your car and drive down to the edge of the
ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair
out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and
open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while
and eventually the Bible will stay open at a
particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall
on and they will tell you what to do."
The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair
and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach.
He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the
bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and
then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the
Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what
he has to do.
Three months later the man and his family come back to
see the rabbi.
The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, the wife is
all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the
child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the
rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him
that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in
order to thank the rabbi for his wonderful advice.
The rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks
him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune
to him.
The man replies: "Chapter 11".
the business is going down the drain. He is seriously
contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do.
He goes to the rabbi to seek his advice.
He tells the rabbi about all of his problems in the
business and asks the rabbi what he should do.
The rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put
them in your car and drive down to the edge of the
ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair
out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and
open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while
and eventually the Bible will stay open at a
particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall
on and they will tell you what to do."
The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair
and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach.
He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the
bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and
then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the
Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what
he has to do.
Three months later the man and his family come back to
see the rabbi.
The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, the wife is
all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the
child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the
rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him
that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in
order to thank the rabbi for his wonderful advice.
The rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks
him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune
to him.
The man replies: "Chapter 11".
On you , we bestow the:
Http://www.instantrimshot.com
that and 5 bucks gets you a Latte, but that was funny.
A man is driving down a road in Montana, when he spots Ted Turner standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Ted is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Ted and asks him, "Ah excuse me Ted, but what are you doing?"
Ted replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Ted and asks him, "Ah excuse me Ted, but what are you doing?"
Ted replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."
A lobbyist on his way home from Congress is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'The President is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. 'He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we're taking up a collection for him.' The lobbyist asks: 'How much have you got so far?' The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'
Q: What's the difference between a merchant bank and Pammy Anderson ?
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Pammy is still worth something.
A: Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Pammy is still worth something.