Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

I like to look on the good side of prison.

At least by the time you get out, you'll be able to smuggle twice the amount of drugs up your ass.
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And that's if you make parole on your first try. Otherwise, you might get triple! Yeah man.
 
Three pregnant women knitting an outfit.

The 1st one says 'I hope I have a boy 'cos I've only got blue yarn left'

The 2nd replies, 'Well, I hope I have a girl; I've only got pink yarn left'.

The 3rd one chips in with, 'I hope to god I have a spastic 'cos I've really fucked this pattern up'.
 
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Just got in from trick or treating, so far all I got is a bag full of restraining orders.

Btw, I went as a Power Ranger with a walker.
 
There was an old sailor, he just returned from the sea on a year long sailing trip to raise awareness for some animal cause. He went to a bar for a cold beer and some pussy, it was tough floating around raising awareness for cats and not having any pussy.

So he finds a hooker and they agree ona price.

After about 10 minutes of furious banging the old sailor asks:

"So babe, how am I doin'?"

She replies:

"You're doin' 3 "knots".

"3 knots?.... What's that mean?" replies the sailor.

She said:

"You're NOT hard, you're NOT in and you're NOT getting your money back!"
 
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
 
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