Jokes 2

Re. Heimlich Manuever

I used to call the janitor at work the Heimlich Remover. You know, the guy who cleans up puke and shit, these were a few of his favorite things da da da da , ta ta ta ta these were a few of his favorite thinggs da da da da , ta ta ta ta, ( from some musical):D
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Re. Heimlich Manuever

I used to call the janitor at work the Heimlich Remover. You know, the guy who cleans up puke and shit, these were a few of his favorite things da da da da , ta ta ta ta these were a few of his favorite thinggs da da da da , ta ta ta ta, ( from some musical):D
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And then, he'd get the buffer out for the floors and I'd sing this song for him. Gene Autrey

I'm back on the buffer again
Out where a friend is a friend
Where the longhorn cattle feed
And smoke slowly Mexican weed
Back on the buffer again
 
I don't want to keep going here, but just a heads up, I am one of the few people that wrote a song and actually was able to rhyme the word "orange" in the lyrics. But I will save that for another day.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

And then, he'd get the buffer out for the floors and I'd sing this song for him. Gene Autrey

I'm back on the buffer again
Out where a friend is a friend
Where the longhorn cattle feed
And smoke slowly Mexican weed
Back on the buffer again
More...

I find it hard to believe they let you have kids. A lot of folks put in the predicament that your parents were thrust in would have had you neutered.
 
Quote from flytiger:

I think this might be Nutmeg's gardener:

BTW, this is an actual fake ID by an illegal alien. "Give us your tired, your poor, your stupid........don't forget your stupid."

<img src="http://elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=1792105 "/>
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I only knew one Mexican in my life (I lived a sheltered life) we worked in a kitchen together. We used to throw steaks at each other before we would tenderize them. The climatic moment of that job was when we took the fire extinguishers and put the nozzles between our legs and turned them on and shot fire extinguisher chemical at each other. The bosses wife was this Greek red haired version of Sophia Loren and she was not amused. I guess we were making too much noise or something.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I only knew one Mexican in my life (I lived a sheltered life) we worked in a kitchen together. We used to throw steaks at each other before we would tenderize them. The climatic moment of that job was when we took the fire extinguishers and put the nozzles between our legs and turned them on and shot fire extinguisher chemical at each other. The bosses wife was this Greek red haired version of Sophia Loren and she was not amused. I guess we were making too much noise or something.
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Hmm. "mexican", "climatic moment", nozzles between the legs", "turned on" "shot fire"

this is very disturbing, these cryptic messages. Nice, throwing the Sophia Loren reference in to divert any possible suspicion of latent homosexual tendancies.

You aren't trying to contact theguy on the license, are you? I mean, he's got a woman on the license with him.
 
Consider this Watson, perhaps when a man has special knowledge and special powers like my own, it rather encourages him to seek a complex explanation when a simpler one is at hand (yuk yuk).
 
A couple is about to be married. The groom is walking down the aisle of the church to take his place at the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.

The best man says, "Hey man, I know you're happy to be getting married, but what's up? You look so excited."
The groom replies, "I just got my FIRST blow job ever in my entire life!"


Now the bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.

The maid of honour notices this and says, "Hey, girlfriend, I know you're happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited?"


The bride replies, "I just gave the LAST blow job of my entire life!"
 
From the Files of Dr Stu Nata:

Recap of test results


I was testing Nutmeg who was training to become a detective.

To test his skill in recognizing a suspect, I showed Nutmeg a picture for 5 seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Nutmeg answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

"Well...duh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, I flashed the picture again for 5 seconds at Nutmeg and asked him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Nutmeg smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

"What's the matter with you? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, I showed the picture again and in my very testy testy voice asked, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

I quickly added, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

Nutmeg looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

I am surprised and speechless because I really don't know myself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

I left the room and went to my office, checked the suspect's file on my computer.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work Nutmeg! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the Nutmeg replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
 
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