Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
GOOD OLD PONDERISMS
1* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3* Life is sexually transmitted.
4* Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
11* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
13* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room while you get undressed as if they are not going to look up there anyway?
15* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
1* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3* Life is sexually transmitted.
4* Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
11* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
13* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room while you get undressed as if they are not going to look up there anyway?
15* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
HAHAHA!! 
Quote from Yannis:
GOOD OLD PONDERISMS
9* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
14* Why does your OB-GYN leave the room while you get undressed as if they are not going to look up there anyway?
15* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
It seems that the Taliban is really pissed off about the US budget cuts.
How are we supposed to fight a war without some financial support ? They said.
AlQuaeda are threatening to stop their war too, thus threatening the US defence industry, unless the cuts are revoked !
Congress is expected to take the budget issue right to the last minute, to give those good folks plenty of time to get their financial supports & inducements ( bribes to you and me ) in .
How are we supposed to fight a war without some financial support ? They said.
AlQuaeda are threatening to stop their war too, thus threatening the US defence industry, unless the cuts are revoked !
Congress is expected to take the budget issue right to the last minute, to give those good folks plenty of time to get their financial supports & inducements ( bribes to you and me ) in .
(Somewhere on the net)
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"Martha's Vineyard Prepares to Welcome 'Black Irish' First Family with Huge Reunion Fund Raiser! "
O'Bama's vacation is not without controversy, coming in the midst of a 'debt ceiling' crisis, $4 gasoline, unemployment pushing 10%, 120 Million Americans & 1.5 Billion People Want to Impeach Obama (according to bearice) and a complete lack of confidence amongst the business community for a rebound in the economy.
O'Bama's mantra of 'shared sacrifice' rings hollow to many in Massachusetts, coming after Michelle's $800,000 trip to Africa a few short months ago, and Barry's $35,000 a plate dinner for his 50th Birthday hosted by Mayor Rahm Emanuel in Chicago.
Many have been wondering why O'Bama continues to vacation in the same places, Hawaii and Martha's Vineyard being the most noted.
White House Press Secretary Jay Blarney , "the President is not showing partiality on his vacation sites. He did look at the White Mountains, but decided he's wait till they change its name. Newark has too many brothers and no money, Detroit looks like Beirut, and California is way to gay, even for him. Forget Texas, Arizona, and Utah....too many Christian Zealots!"
Stay tuned....
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"Martha's Vineyard Prepares to Welcome 'Black Irish' First Family with Huge Reunion Fund Raiser! "
O'Bama's vacation is not without controversy, coming in the midst of a 'debt ceiling' crisis, $4 gasoline, unemployment pushing 10%, 120 Million Americans & 1.5 Billion People Want to Impeach Obama (according to bearice) and a complete lack of confidence amongst the business community for a rebound in the economy.
O'Bama's mantra of 'shared sacrifice' rings hollow to many in Massachusetts, coming after Michelle's $800,000 trip to Africa a few short months ago, and Barry's $35,000 a plate dinner for his 50th Birthday hosted by Mayor Rahm Emanuel in Chicago.
Many have been wondering why O'Bama continues to vacation in the same places, Hawaii and Martha's Vineyard being the most noted.
White House Press Secretary Jay Blarney , "the President is not showing partiality on his vacation sites. He did look at the White Mountains, but decided he's wait till they change its name. Newark has too many brothers and no money, Detroit looks like Beirut, and California is way to gay, even for him. Forget Texas, Arizona, and Utah....too many Christian Zealots!"
Stay tuned....
lol