Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
We were "taught" at superstition class with the nuns that when you die, God sits you down and shows you a movie of your life. Ron White tells the story of getting caught banging some girl behind the football bleachers while in High School. Obviously a product of the same teachings that have totally fucked up my life to this point, his Grandma says, "and what are you going to say when God shows you this movie, and the next part is you having sex with this girl?
He replied, "Sit down. This is the good part."
And now that I think about it, what did God do before movies? Show you cave etchings depicting your time on Earth? Or maybe Parchment? Or maybe because he's God, he always had movies.
My head hurts.
Gov Patterson of New York
âDrumbeats remind me of orchestras. and orchestrs remind me of orchestration. so this whole idea that all these people got this idea at one time is rather hard for me to believe.â
âAnd what I would point out is while theyâre beating drums, I am a drum major....
I think I'll need my Jack Hershey translator for that one.
âDrumbeats remind me of orchestras. and orchestrs remind me of orchestration. so this whole idea that all these people got this idea at one time is rather hard for me to believe.â
âAnd what I would point out is while theyâre beating drums, I am a drum major....
I think I'll need my Jack Hershey translator for that one.
Medical Acronyms
PRATFO
What It Means: Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off.
When It's Used:
When a patient comes into the ER more hysterical than ill, the doctor reassures the patient and asks them to leave. However, this acronym has gotten at least one doctor into trouble when he scribbled it in a patient's chart and then later was asked to explain it in court.
We're not saying you should ever lie in court, but in that situation you should at least consider it.
AMYOYO Syndrome
What It Means: Alright, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own.
When It's Used:
If television is to be believed, any condition, no matter how egregious or how slim the chances of survival, can be surmounted with the intervention of a charismatic, slightly eccentric doctor or the introduction of a particularly salient plot point.
Well, television is not to be believed. If a patient split from crotch to neck, sustained a shotgun wound to the chest, or fell twenty stories onto the pavement, then a great deal's up to a God. Assuming he exists, or cares. Thus we get the AMYOYO Syndrome diagnosis, with the variations SOLOMFYOYO (So long, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own) and GPO (Good for Parts Only).
.Faecal Encephalopathy
What It Means: Shit-for-Brains.
When It's Used:
If you wind up in the emergency room because, say, you were trying to launch bottle rockets out of your anus, you can expect to hear this term thrown around. Latin, or pseudo-latin, is often used to convey unflattering terms and make it sound grandiloquent to the uninformed (or faecal-encephalopathic) ear.
Variations include Cranio-Rectal Syndrome and Cranial Rectosis, presumably for when the patient doesn't have shit for brains but merely has his head up his ass.
SBI
What It Means: Something Bad Inside.
When It's Used:
When the medical staff encounters a strange complaint that doesn't meet any known diagnostic criteria. As much as you don't want to hear SBI as your diagnosis, it's still better than the alternate SVBI (Something Very Bad Inside) which means whatever it is appears to be killing you.
Either may be followed up with a "SWAG" (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess).
CBT
What It Means: Chronic Biscuit Toxicity. Patient is really fat.
When It's Used:
Doctors seem to be inventing more and more of these unflattering terms as obesity becomes more chronic in the western world. You may also hear Polydipose Dysfunction, BW (beached whale) and others, all of which are sure to see plenty of usage until some enlightened future when a doctor can just say the phrase "lard ass" to a patient's face.
Here are some other, rather self-explanatory terms you probably don't want to hear in the halls outside your hospital room:
PRATFO
What It Means: Patient Reassured And Told to Fuck Off.
When It's Used:
When a patient comes into the ER more hysterical than ill, the doctor reassures the patient and asks them to leave. However, this acronym has gotten at least one doctor into trouble when he scribbled it in a patient's chart and then later was asked to explain it in court.
We're not saying you should ever lie in court, but in that situation you should at least consider it.
AMYOYO Syndrome
What It Means: Alright, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own.
When It's Used:
If television is to be believed, any condition, no matter how egregious or how slim the chances of survival, can be surmounted with the intervention of a charismatic, slightly eccentric doctor or the introduction of a particularly salient plot point.
Well, television is not to be believed. If a patient split from crotch to neck, sustained a shotgun wound to the chest, or fell twenty stories onto the pavement, then a great deal's up to a God. Assuming he exists, or cares. Thus we get the AMYOYO Syndrome diagnosis, with the variations SOLOMFYOYO (So long, Motherfucker, You're On Your Own) and GPO (Good for Parts Only).
.Faecal Encephalopathy
What It Means: Shit-for-Brains.
When It's Used:
If you wind up in the emergency room because, say, you were trying to launch bottle rockets out of your anus, you can expect to hear this term thrown around. Latin, or pseudo-latin, is often used to convey unflattering terms and make it sound grandiloquent to the uninformed (or faecal-encephalopathic) ear.
Variations include Cranio-Rectal Syndrome and Cranial Rectosis, presumably for when the patient doesn't have shit for brains but merely has his head up his ass.
SBI
What It Means: Something Bad Inside.
When It's Used:
When the medical staff encounters a strange complaint that doesn't meet any known diagnostic criteria. As much as you don't want to hear SBI as your diagnosis, it's still better than the alternate SVBI (Something Very Bad Inside) which means whatever it is appears to be killing you.
Either may be followed up with a "SWAG" (Scientific Wild-Ass Guess).
CBT
What It Means: Chronic Biscuit Toxicity. Patient is really fat.
When It's Used:
Doctors seem to be inventing more and more of these unflattering terms as obesity becomes more chronic in the western world. You may also hear Polydipose Dysfunction, BW (beached whale) and others, all of which are sure to see plenty of usage until some enlightened future when a doctor can just say the phrase "lard ass" to a patient's face.
Here are some other, rather self-explanatory terms you probably don't want to hear in the halls outside your hospital room:
VETERINARY ACRONYMS
Agroceryosis - lack of groceries i.e. owner hasn't been feeding the animal
BDLDLDL big dog, little dog, little dog lost (usually Chihuahuas that try to fight a German Shepherd)
BSBF buy small bags of food (almost dead)
CFT - chronic food toxicity i.e. obese
CSTO - Cat Smarter Than Owner
DIC - dead in cage or death is coming (technically, it means Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, which is just as lethal)
DSTO - Dog Smarter Than Owner
HBC - hit by car
HBO â hit by owner
PU - paws up (dead)
ROBO â run over by owner
SBI - something bad inside (undiagnosed cancer etc discovered during surgery)
Agroceryosis - lack of groceries i.e. owner hasn't been feeding the animal
BDLDLDL big dog, little dog, little dog lost (usually Chihuahuas that try to fight a German Shepherd)
BSBF buy small bags of food (almost dead)
CFT - chronic food toxicity i.e. obese
CSTO - Cat Smarter Than Owner
DIC - dead in cage or death is coming (technically, it means Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, which is just as lethal)
DSTO - Dog Smarter Than Owner
HBC - hit by car
HBO â hit by owner
PU - paws up (dead)
ROBO â run over by owner
SBI - something bad inside (undiagnosed cancer etc discovered during surgery)