Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
You think things are all legal or illegal in this country. In Ireland thatâs not the way we do it. Weâre got a greater appreciation of the greyness of the human condition, between the white and the black. There are three states of legality in Irish law. All this stuff here which comes under âThatâs grandâ then it moves into âAh now, donât push itâ and finally it moves into âRight, youâre taking the pissâ - thatâs when the police sweep in. (Dara OâBriain)
A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. (Rich Hall)
For boys, puberty is like turning into the Incredible Hulk - but very, very slowly. (John Bishop)
I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died. âWhat are you doing here with that hammer?â (Lee Mack)
Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public. (Andrew Laurence)
A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop? (Jack Dee)
A hotel mini-bar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. (Rich Hall)
For boys, puberty is like turning into the Incredible Hulk - but very, very slowly. (John Bishop)
I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died. âWhat are you doing here with that hammer?â (Lee Mack)
Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public. (Andrew Laurence)
A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop? (Jack Dee)
Been trying to spice things up with the wife recently with a bit of role play. Trouble is I keep saying the wrong thing.
"Hi, I'm here to fix the fridge."
"Oh hi, sure, it's just over here...oh my, that's a big-ass wrench you've got there," she said, caressing my penis.
"Well," I said, "it's a pretty big-ass fridge."
"Hi, I'm here to fix the fridge."
"Oh hi, sure, it's just over here...oh my, that's a big-ass wrench you've got there," she said, caressing my penis.
"Well," I said, "it's a pretty big-ass fridge."
Two Woodpeckers...
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused... How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your "Woods" pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused... How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your "Woods" pecker gets harder when you're away from home.