the real question is, how the hell did these guys get to become milfs? oh no, no more pregnant guys please....
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
the real question is, how the hell did these guys get to become milfs? oh no, no more pregnant guys please....
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.
The lady goes to the drug store, on the instruction of the Vet, to get some 'Nair' hair remover. A dose in each ear once a month would stop the probmem. At the register the druggist tells her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'
The lady says: 'I'm not using it under my arms.'
Well then, If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.'
The lady says: 'I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
'Then, stay off your bicycle for a week
The lady goes to the drug store, on the instruction of the Vet, to get some 'Nair' hair remover. A dose in each ear once a month would stop the probmem. At the register the druggist tells her, 'If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'
The lady says: 'I'm not using it under my arms.'
Well then, If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days.'
The lady says: 'I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'
'Then, stay off your bicycle for a week
I'm not taking any chances (I try to be a good boy) but if perhaps we might re incarnate after we die, I do not want to come back as a rear tire on a fat ladys bicycle, I've seen that and I really don't appreciate a pumped up tire going flat through no fault of my own. What a re incarnated life that would be, going round and round flat as shit over curbed and broken spokes poking me in the back and all, yow, this makes my back hurt just thinking about it.
I'm trying to cover all bases. I believe in all religions and superstitions and psychic reading and fortune cookies and rabbit foots, science, global wrming, and cooling and peak oil and clean jokes and bad jokes, everything could be true. Just in case. I don't want to go to hell, arrrgggghhh, anything but that, but I don't mind the heat, just the humidity. I am afraid of heights though, been working on that just in case, ya know.
I'm trying to cover all bases. I believe in all religions and superstitions and psychic reading and fortune cookies and rabbit foots, science, global wrming, and cooling and peak oil and clean jokes and bad jokes, everything could be true. Just in case. I don't want to go to hell, arrrgggghhh, anything but that, but I don't mind the heat, just the humidity. I am afraid of heights though, been working on that just in case, ya know.
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'
'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said ,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and
then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.
He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'
'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said ,
'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'
The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'
Technology
After having dug to a depth of 10 yards
last year, New York scientists found traces of
copper wire dating back 100 years
and came to the conclusion that their New York ancestors
already had a telephone network more
than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the
weeks that followed, California scientists dug
to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines
in the LA Times newspaper read:
'California archaeologists have found
traces of 200 year old copper
wire and have concluded that their
ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network a hundred years
earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, the 'Hemingford Ledger,'
a local news paper in Hemingford, NE., reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 30 yards in corn
fields near Berea , NE , Larry the Cable Guy, a self-
taught archaeologist and dyed-in-the-wool Husker
fan, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Larry has therefore concluded that 300 years
ago, Nebraska had already gone wireless."
After having dug to a depth of 10 yards
last year, New York scientists found traces of
copper wire dating back 100 years
and came to the conclusion that their New York ancestors
already had a telephone network more
than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the
weeks that followed, California scientists dug
to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines
in the LA Times newspaper read:
'California archaeologists have found
traces of 200 year old copper
wire and have concluded that their
ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network a hundred years
earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, the 'Hemingford Ledger,'
a local news paper in Hemingford, NE., reported the
following:
"After digging as deep as 30 yards in corn
fields near Berea , NE , Larry the Cable Guy, a self-
taught archaeologist and dyed-in-the-wool Husker
fan, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Larry has therefore concluded that 300 years
ago, Nebraska had already gone wireless."
Good Thinking
A state trooper is driving down the highway when he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of the truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck a few times, and then drive away. A couple of miles down the road the driver does the same thing. A few more miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the driver to explain. The driver says, âWell, the load limit is ten tons and Iâm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so Iâve got to keep some of them flying around!â
A state trooper is driving down the highway when he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of the truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck a few times, and then drive away. A couple of miles down the road the driver does the same thing. A few more miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the driver to explain. The driver says, âWell, the load limit is ten tons and Iâm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so Iâve got to keep some of them flying around!â
Only because I care about you guys......
warning: this is intended for the male heterosexual members of the pack only.
If you happen to be a pretty female in need of therapy yourself,
please pm me after 10 pm weekdays....and I'll see what I can do..
http://www.hogrockcafe.com/male_therapy.htm
warning: this is intended for the male heterosexual members of the pack only.
If you happen to be a pretty female in need of therapy yourself,
please pm me after 10 pm weekdays....and I'll see what I can do..
http://www.hogrockcafe.com/male_therapy.htm