Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Divorce 2008 Style
Guy talks to his coworker in 2008 about his recent divorce:
"Man, I just finalized."
"Tough times. I know, I've been there. How'd it turn out?"
"It was vicious right to the end. She got nothing and I got the house."
"Sh!t! You got screwed. You needed a better lawyer."
"I know. Trouble is hers was a former Realtor®."
[Nodding] "You never had a chance."
Guy talks to his coworker in 2008 about his recent divorce:
"Man, I just finalized."
"Tough times. I know, I've been there. How'd it turn out?"
"It was vicious right to the end. She got nothing and I got the house."
"Sh!t! You got screwed. You needed a better lawyer."
"I know. Trouble is hers was a former Realtor®."
[Nodding] "You never had a chance."
Till Death Do Us Part
A married woman has a lover. Itâs no secret, her husband and all their friends know about it. One day, the woman suddenly dies.
At the funeral, to the embarrassment of all, the boyfriend is there and is crying hysterically.
Finally, the husband can't take anymore of it. He approaches the man, puts his arms around him and says "Please don't carry on like this. I'll marry again, I promise!"
A married woman has a lover. Itâs no secret, her husband and all their friends know about it. One day, the woman suddenly dies.
At the funeral, to the embarrassment of all, the boyfriend is there and is crying hysterically.
Finally, the husband can't take anymore of it. He approaches the man, puts his arms around him and says "Please don't carry on like this. I'll marry again, I promise!"
Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years old.
He was bugging Mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across
the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something."
Jimmy was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked
him what he learned.
Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the
son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cock sucker back
down. Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put the
Mother fucker back up."
Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait til your Dad comes home." When
Jimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across
the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy, you
go outside and get the switch."
Jimmy replied, "Fuck you, that's the Electrician's job."
He was bugging Mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across
the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something."
Jimmy was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked
him what he learned.
Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the
son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cock sucker back
down. Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put the
Mother fucker back up."
Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait til your Dad comes home." When
Jimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across
the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy, you
go outside and get the switch."
Jimmy replied, "Fuck you, that's the Electrician's job."
Why Pilots Prefer Airplanes Over Women
* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.
* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.
* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.
* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flow before.
* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
* Airplanes expect to be tied down.
* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
* Airplanes usually kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
* Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
* Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go."
* Airplanes don't object to a pre-flight inspection.
* Airplanes come with a manual to explain their operation.
* Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
* Airplanes can be flown at any time of the month.
* Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
* Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flow before.
* Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
* Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.
* Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
* Airplanes expect to be tied down.
* Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
Good Question
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life."
The child thought about this for a moment... "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life."
The child thought about this for a moment... "So, why is the groom wearing black?"