Jokes 2

A Great Oldie

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT NEVER TO FORGET:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Leave him alone
2. Once in a while, get him a beer...

:) :) :)
 
Free Market Compassion

When things go wrong,
When sadness fills your heart,
When tears flow from your eyes and don't seem to stop,

Just let me know,
Cause I want to be there for you, always...
I am selling tissues, buy one pack, get one free...!

:) :) :)
 
Sense of Freshness

A while ago a new supermarket opened.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more...!

:) :) :)
 
Me and my girlfriend were watching a documentary on Greece.

She said, "I'd like a fancy name like they had in Ancient Greece."

"How about 'Promiscuous'" I laughed.

"Oh, that's good, what's it mean?" she asked, scratching at her crotch.
 
Our neighbor’s Brazilian maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.'
The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..'

Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
 
After getting home from shopping my wife asked me "Why are you always embarrassed to buy condoms when we are together but not when you are on your own?"

"Because they can see what you look like" I said.
 
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