Quote from scriabinop23:
You've already blown up. Many of us have been there.
Let's say you have 18% remaining... Odds are 100% right now you'll feel more regret by quitting when you are down rather than giving the 18% away.
So basically, get prepared to have lost it all.
First thing you need to do is stop. Likely you aren't in enough control of yourself to do that. Maybe some creative mental accounting can get you back. First, accepting the loss and furthermore accepting that you'll likely NEVER make any money in the markets is the first step to healing.
So... Move most of the money out of brokerage (at least temporarily) and leave a little to feed your gambling problem. Turn it into a junior account -- instead of trading 1 lot of ES, go down to 1 ATM SPY or SPY mini option (if you MUST trade S&P, which I have no idea why). You'll either continue to bleed, or you'll churn, or maybe you'll do OK and get some confidence back. Tell yourself once in a while your dream/hope you'll eventually return the remaining 16% (or whatever the # is) and someday get it all back from this 'edge' you and everyone claims to be seeking. And by the way, if you are trading options... for the sake of learning some self control, no doubling down. Practice taking losses on your failed entries. And trade serially, don't treat approximate 'doubling down' as two 'parallel' trades. Not right now -you aren't emotionally capable of doing it. You need to practice discipline.
Just remember - You don't have an 'edge' (as most don't, so don't feel to bad about it) so stop acting as if you do.
My guess is that you actually don't like trading as much as you think you do. What you like is -not doing- whatever else you were doing. Well let me clarify, maybe you like gambling. But that's a degenerate activity (add it to the top of the list of other vices) ... (and all of us who are here find it appealing on some level)
Some other good advice here.. but you need to get a handle. And stop feeding money to other people.
BTW: Sure S&P is 'manipulated' (but so is everything else)... but this has been the easiest environment to trade it in as a perpetual dip buyer. Nothing complicated; very simple stuff. And everyone who said the market doesn't reward hours spent or 'work ethic': totally agree. That said, it helps to have a strong enough finance/stats background to keep yourself out of trouble and save yourself from wasting time chasing anomalies and technical systems that you might believe are viable (but really aren't). But that's another discussion.
Likely it'll take you years to develop any skills. Its lousy to have to accept the blunt reality you are a failure at this iteration, but the sooner you are, the more money and grief you'll save yourself.
I have already stopped trading, albeit temporarily. I think I am back in control. That is why I originally posted here. 1. To help continue to 'put the brakes on' and 2. To discuss with others what a mess I have made and how best to recover from it.
When you say I need to accept the I'll likely NEVER make any money in the markets is the first step to healing." Are you saying I should admit this so I can get on with 'healing' so I can ultimately be successful? Or are you saying I just should accept it and move one to another venture?
I don't feel I have to trade the S&P. What would you suggest if not the S&P?
Would you explain more about your comments about there being, or not being, an edge?
Thanks for your help thus far.