Handling Skepticism from Loved Ones
- Thread starter learninglisted
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The entrepreneur takes his young employee into the wealthiest neighborhood, where they stand in front of the most luxurious, expensive house either one of them has ever seen in their lives. Putting his arm around his young worker, the entrepreneur says, "You see all this? The 50 room mansion? The 25 acres of landscaped grounds? The swimming pool? The tennis court? The 10 car garage with the Bentley, Mercedes and Jaguars? Well, someday, if you work really, really, hard... all of this will be mine."
It aint your father in law that has doubts, it's you. He's just a convenient entity for you to lay your doubts on.
If you are doing what you love each day you have success. Enjoy it.
Who can argue with a contented man?
If you are doing what you love each day you have success. Enjoy it.
Who can argue with a contented man?
I got the same statements from some of my friends and family members when I started trading, and at first I lost money so that just added fuel to the fire. They would ask how I was doing and I would tell them I lost X amount of dollars last month and they would start telling me how stupid I am for doing this. But then when the profits started to roll in, they almost seemed upset that I might make it and they would be proven wrong. It's funny how the people who don't take risks are the ones who don't want to see you make it cause they don't have the balls to do something for themselves. One of my friends is struggling through the second year of business ownership and he is always giving me support when I am in a losing streak and I always give him support and encouragement for his new business. We both know what each of us is going through.
Quote from learninglisted:
My father-in-law, a man I deeply respect and love,...
Anyone else gone through this? How did you deal with it?
You might as well ask "how do I cope with a discouraging asshole". He almost certainly does not know a thing about trading but he is very opinionated about it and not afraid to throw cold water on your plans. Don't let him know anything more about anything you are doing.
Max
I suppose you could, if you plan on having ill will and further friction between you, your in-laws, and, by their relationship to your spouse, your spouse as well, for the rest of your married life, may even be a factor contributing to the realization of your future divorce, when and if that happens, and otherwise come back to sorely bite you on the ass if unfortunately you experience one of those situations in one's life when family, including in-laws, become really, really important. Count yourself lucky if you haven't any clue what that kind of situtation is. Words can hurt deeper than wounds and certainly last a lot longer. Telling your father-in-law to f@ck off is not the mature responsible approach I tend to favor.
What I suggested would respect the FIL, prompt respect back from him and settle the matter without any resentment going forward as telling someone to "f@ck off " undoubtedly would.
It just does not pay to let anyone else know how you are doing whether you are losing or winning. If you are losing and you tell others you will only scare them or develop a negative feedback loop where you spend all your time talking about how bad it is.
If you let others know you are winning you will only make them envious and they will actually start criticizing you for becoming "money obsessed" or "arrogant" - even though you don't act any different. This is surprising because you would think that others would be rooting for you after all you went through. In fact you will lose many friends if you talk about winning.
Best bet - just act neutral. Its a lone hand we play. There are some things you just have to keep to yourself.
In 1974 ...My brother sold his house in Fresno, CA., packed up his wife and 3 young children and moved to Las Vegas to become a Professional Blackjack player. Well, it goes without saying that his in-laws were "non-plused" by this. Well, Bob had the discipline and desire to go 1 solid year, making small money (only betting $5 chips, to prove the methodology). Then on New Years Eve, he and I sat down at a table and he made Tens of thousands of dollars in a few hours.
He kept this up for a couple of years, until barred from most casino's, made 7 figures plus, and moved to the "big casino" of Wall Street.
Needless to say, the in-laws fell even more in love with Bob with every $million he made. The rest is history.
(Seriously now: This is a very rare example, true, but rare....trading or blackjack require training, devotion, tools, and a lot of desire).
Best of Luck!!
Don
He kept this up for a couple of years, until barred from most casino's, made 7 figures plus, and moved to the "big casino" of Wall Street.
Needless to say, the in-laws fell even more in love with Bob with every $million he made. The rest is history.
(Seriously now: This is a very rare example, true, but rare....trading or blackjack require training, devotion, tools, and a lot of desire).
Best of Luck!!
Don
I appreciate the replies, extreme or not.
I will definitely NOT tell my FIL to F* Off. This is a man I respect and I can understand the reasoning behind his skepticism. The last thing I want to do is get into a shouting match with him and possibly damage our relationship.
What I'm going to do is tell him next time we talk that I appreciated his honesty, but in fact he really doesn't know all the facts about trading for him to have said what he did. I will again tell him that I will know in several months whether or not I can truly make a go of this, and that if it turns out I cannot I will reenter the "regular" world.
My FIL is very successful, aggressive, direct (obviously), and a man highly respected and well-known in this community. He's been very generous to my wife and I, but he does have a rather big ego. He's used to giving orders and being in charge and doesn't like being corrected. I also think he considers trading something he could never do, and so it's something a member of his family, i.e. a son-in-law, can't do either.
I too get pissed off when people tell me I can't do something; as a result I am VERY motivated to prove him wrong, and to accomplish this thing that he cannot, but I realize I have to be very careful not to let that mindset cause me to make stupid errors, i.e. increasing my share size prematurely, taking chances I normally wouldn't, etc.
Fortunately my wife supports my trading; at first she was skeptical, but after I explained what I do and she saw how careful and quick to cut my losses I am and how much time I devote to this, she changed her tune. It's her support that matters the most to me.
I love trading too much to give it up for anybody prematurely. I will either succeed, or I will not. I think I will, and that's the opinion that matters the most methinks...
I will definitely NOT tell my FIL to F* Off. This is a man I respect and I can understand the reasoning behind his skepticism. The last thing I want to do is get into a shouting match with him and possibly damage our relationship.
What I'm going to do is tell him next time we talk that I appreciated his honesty, but in fact he really doesn't know all the facts about trading for him to have said what he did. I will again tell him that I will know in several months whether or not I can truly make a go of this, and that if it turns out I cannot I will reenter the "regular" world.
My FIL is very successful, aggressive, direct (obviously), and a man highly respected and well-known in this community. He's been very generous to my wife and I, but he does have a rather big ego. He's used to giving orders and being in charge and doesn't like being corrected. I also think he considers trading something he could never do, and so it's something a member of his family, i.e. a son-in-law, can't do either.
I too get pissed off when people tell me I can't do something; as a result I am VERY motivated to prove him wrong, and to accomplish this thing that he cannot, but I realize I have to be very careful not to let that mindset cause me to make stupid errors, i.e. increasing my share size prematurely, taking chances I normally wouldn't, etc.
Fortunately my wife supports my trading; at first she was skeptical, but after I explained what I do and she saw how careful and quick to cut my losses I am and how much time I devote to this, she changed her tune. It's her support that matters the most to me.
I love trading too much to give it up for anybody prematurely. I will either succeed, or I will not. I think I will, and that's the opinion that matters the most methinks...