Dear Bryan Roberts,
Please forgive me for my enormous inaccuracies. I mixed up Will Smith with Denzel Washington. I quoted and attributed to Dennis Miller what was really Larry Miller.
So obviously, I am a bottomless source of misinformation. Please accept my apologies, and I am sorry that as it turns out, our true enemies are the Mossad and probably the Masons and the Girl Scouts of America and Santa Clause.
Well, I have a lot to ponder now, and a lot of thoughts I really do want to share, but the grocery store is going to close soon, and I want to get there before they do so I can pick up the Enquirer, the Star, and the Globe so I can get some REAL news. And I gotta cancel my subscriptions to those other stupid papers out of Washington and New York. I should have known better. Too many jews in N.Y. And too many liberals north of the Mason Dixon line. Gotta get my real news from real sources.
Also, gotta go to Blockbuster and rent some movies so I can get my historical facts right. Don't know where to start. Maybe I should just start at the beginning. Maybe they have Birth of a Nation. Ben Hur or The Ten Commandments could be good learning experiences for me too. Any recommendations? I know the Three Stooges and Abbott and Costello did some important and excellent work. I saw Blazing Saddles not too long ago, so I at least know what really happened out west in those days.
Thanks Bryan; as Gordon Gekko would probably say, "I have been blind and walking around without a cane" (or something to that effect). But you have straightened me out. I see the light.
I will not be making my donation to the Anti Defamation League as I have been for the past 20 years or so. I will send the money to the committee to elect David Duke (assuming he's running for something). Maybe spread some of it out and include my pal Pat Buchanon too.
I will send some dough to the UJA in the name of Bryan Roberts though, just so they can get some oranges grown in the desert with you name on a plaque nearby. We'll have to start calling you Bryan of Be'er Sheva....has a ring to it!
Your Friend,
Yassar Bin Disney (aka RS7)