Funny From IMAO
Barack Obama Rumors
Posted by Frank J. at 12:53 PM
There have been many rumors about Senator Barack Obama, so I thought I'd check on how which ones are true if any:
RUMOR: Obama is a Muslim.
STATUS: False
Obama is not currently a Muslim. He's a Christian of some sort in the "hate Whitey" sect.
RUMOR: Obama is an enlightened space alien sent to save humanity.
STATUS: False
All evidence points towards Obama being a below average man who his wife stopped asking to do chores around the house because he was always getting his head stuck in the mop bucket.
RUMOR: Obama tried to bomb the Pentagon.
STATUS: False
That was his friend.
RUMOR: Obama felt we got what we deserved on 9/11.
STATUS: False
That was his other friend.
RUMOR: Obama was once a hired goon for the Aquaman villain Black Manta.
STATUS: False
While Obama has served on a number of committees and attended a fundraiser hosted by Black Manta, Obama has never worked for him. His campaign has on numerous occasions called it out of bounds to draw connections between Obama and the terrorists, hatemongers, and supervillians he happens to hang around with in his spare time.
RUMOR: Obama has great judgment.
STATUS: False
In recent cognitive psychology study, Obama was shown two of the same type glasses filled with liquid and agreed that each has the same amount of liquid. He then watched as one was poured into a tall, thin glass. When asked which glass had more liquid, he pointed to the taller glass.
RUMOR: Obama once bowled a perfect 300.
STATUS: False
Obama once bowled a 3, which some consider to be the perfect number in a non-bowling context.
RUMOR: Obama is a member of radical black separatist groups and considers himself racially superior to all others.
STATUS: False
He does not consider himself racially superior since he's half white.
RUMOR: Obama can fly.
STATUS: False
Obama is subjected to the laws of gravity the same as anyone else, something he found out the hard way when he put on a red sheet and jumped off the garage at the age of thirty.
RUMOR: Obama has read War and Peace six times.
STATUS: False
Obama is barely literate.
RUMOR: Obama has super-strength and is immune to bullets.
STATUS: False
Obama often has his wife open the jar of marinated artichoke hearts for him. He is scared of guns and anything else that makes a loud noise.
RUMOR: Obama cares about the average man.
STATUS: Somewhat True
Obama cares about people who shop at Whole Foods and laugh at the religious whom he mistakenly believe to be the average man.
RUMOR: Obama is a teenage mutant ninja turtle in disguise.
STATUS: Indeterminate
While Obama does love pizza and shouts cowabunga on occasion, there is no known evidence of his ninja or turtle skills.
RUMOR: Obama would be a great presidential candidate.
STATUS: False
I'm not even sure where that one got started.
