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Funny Rodney Dangerfield You know my Doctor, Doctor Vinny BoomBots... I called and told him I had a bad case of diarrhea. - He put me on hold! A girl called me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. A hooker told me "Not on the first...

The Kentucky Mortician A man who just died is delivered to a Kentucky mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already...

Rodney Dangerfield "My neighborhood was so tough... Those guys used to bowl overhead..." :) :) :)

Rodney Dangerfield "My neighborhood was so tough... When construction workers would pour fresh concrete on the side of the road or a bridge, and we, as kids, would go there and press our hands on the fresh cement, we always felt another hand underneath..." :) :) :)

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I got double copies of a couple of fine trading books, including "Trading Pairs" by Mark Whistler (w/the CD), and "Mastering The Trade" by John Carter. Is anyone interested in swapping either of those for a good trading book that I don't have? Please let...

Nine Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into the long driveway of a great big country mansion nearby and asked the attractive...

They say that a long time ago, a visiting musician in Vienna went through a graveyard and all of a sudden he heard some music. No one was around, so he started searching for the source. He finally located the origin and found that it was coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig...

Love Those Italians Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony? On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said TO NY. You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry...

Negotiation Skills Test The Maid asked for a raise. The Madam was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want an increase?" Maria: "Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Madam: "Who said you iron better than...

Bravo, nutmeg, that's good! :) :) :)

Very Old, But Still Funny Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition. The winners are: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or...

Stupid Laws In Arkansas Towns A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in...

Dumb Laws In Some Alabama Towns It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. You may not drive barefoot. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty. It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy. Women are able...

Crazy Laws In Various Parts Of New Jersey • It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. • You may not slurp your soup. • If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates. • It is against...

Back At The White House Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit." "And what can I get for you, Mr. President? " George W looks up from his...

Worst Joke Ever? "Hey man, why is your bike laughing?" "Well, what'd you expect, it's a Yamahaha!" :) :) :)

Love Those Lawyers A butcher saw a lawyer passing by his shop one day, and asked him: Sir, what would you do if a dog came in and stole your meat? The lawyer answered: why? of course, I’d make the owner pay for it! The butcher continued: If that is so, now you owe me $15 because it is...

Short And Sweet I like your approach… let’s see your departure! :) :) :)

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't YOU do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied the husband, "I don't even know that woman!" :) :) :)

Paranoia And, don't forget: The fact that you are not paranoid, does not mean that they are not out to get you -- Andy Grove, former Chairman of Intel :) :) :)