Jokes 2

probably posted this in the other thread, can't remember, anything, but that's another story. Now, where was I........ Oh yeah.

Guy marries a girl who professes to be as pure as the driven snow. On their wedding nite, he comes out of the bathroom in all his glory. His Precious says, "OOOOOOOOOO what a cute wee wee!"

"No, Sweetheart. This isn't a wee - wee. It's a cock!!!"
"Oh, no", she says. " I've seen lots of cocks. That's a wee-wee"
 
This man pulls up in his van beside a little boy.

He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a candy, will you come in my car."

To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
 
Back At The White House

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President? "

George W looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims, "how rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton... and I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now!" and the waitress storms away.

Cheney leans over to Bush who's flabbergasted and whispers....... "Mr President, as we've said before, it's pronounced 'quiche.'"

:) :) :)
 
Crazy Laws In Various Parts Of New Jersey

• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
• You may not slurp your soup.
• If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
• It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
• On a highway you can not park under a bridge.
• Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
• You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
• Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
• It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
• It is illegal to frown in towns that have elected to be "Frown-Free Zones".
• You may not dance or wear shorts on the main avenue.
• Citizens are not permitted to park their own boat on their lawn.
• All cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
• It is forbidden for a woman, on a Sunday, to walk down Broad Street without wearing a petticoat.
• It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals a the local zoo.
• It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
• Pinball machines are not to be played on Sunday.
• People may not slurp their soup.
• Raw hamburger may not be sold.
• Profanity is prohibited.
• There will be no boiling of bones on the property.
• Pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.
• You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.

:) :) :)
 
Dumb Laws In Some Alabama Towns

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
You may not drive barefoot.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
Incestuous marriages are legal.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
It is illegal to sell peanuts after sundown on Wednesday.
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.
It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Recently repealed)

:) :) :)
 
Stupid Laws In Arkansas Towns

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.
Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
It is illegal to kill "any living creature".
It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term... (How did Bill survive this one???)

:) :) :)
 
Quote from flytiger:

Um, did Grandma leave her robe open when you came over, because watching bugs fuck w/Grandma just ain't right. You know that , right???
More...

I looked at grannys drivers license she got an F in sex.
 
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