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Better to be mocked with a tongue of flesh than a tongue of something worse such as raw sewage. With a raw sewage tongue just imagine the infectious diseases that could be transmitted during the mocking, not to mention the smell.

In to what?

They probably used to have armpits because a long time ago one of them picked an apple from the tree of knowledge, which would have required at least one arm (and therefore a pit too) right? Unless they had created some sort of apple-picking device that was operated using their forked tongues or...

Alien intervention would explain a lot of the weird events of this year such as Coranavirus, Brexit, and that time I slipped when there were definitely no banana skins or patches of oil on the pavement. However they may not be completely malicious because I also feel they're responsible for...

The scales have fallen from my eyes! As of this morning I am rejecting all previous false idols and henceforth will worship only FLEX SEAL. In penance for my previously sinful existence I vow to conduct three random trades on Plus500 while ramming a skewer in to my left quadricep and drinking...

Hi RainMaker3000 (or God as you may prefer to be known), any chance you could grant me a miracle? It may seem like an odd request but what I would like is for the gap between the exhaust hose from my tumble dryer and the wall to be filled with an effective draft excluding agent because it is...

I think of a number, greater than 1 and less than 100. This is the number of Great British Pounds that I will invest in my next stock purchase. Then I think of a different number between 7 and 21; this is the number of days I will hold the stock for. Later, I think of a letter of the alphabet...

You can't want what you want.

Or perhaps now? If not I'll check back some time around 2025.

A few years have passed, time for another post perhaps?

I did it once, but definitely never again. Ever. No, no way.

I would like to see more incentives. However, I do not want to encourage food-based incentives as on the whole the population is fat enough already.

This coffee is too hot.

By my calculations it's about time for another post ?

Before you go I wonder if you could detail once again the evidence proving that 9/11 was some sort of sinister government conspiracy? I used to rather enjoy those posts.

When I finally complete my novel (which admittedly is unlikely to be soon) this story will feature. Any more?

Please try to be more succinct.

Conversely if you take out non-gun crime murders (due to widespread UK fist ownership), the US is more violent than even the UK.

Seconded! This brought a smile to my face on what has otherwise been rather a bleak day.

Slightly OT, but did the 2 year old in question help you with your placement of the apostrophe?