Yukoner's Psychological Trading Journal

NoDoji said:
Also, I think if you add all the complete profit targets to the trades you cut short, your results would be very good. At least it seems that way from reading your daily recaps.

Handle's idea about getting up and standing on one foot after the trade is on is a great one. The time you should be glued to the screen is when watching for the trade signals. The time you should be letting the trades care of you is when a position is active. There's nothing for you to do then. Watching every tick back and forth and giving your emotional risk-adverse "chimp" brain the chance to scream at you to get out now while you have a little something before it gets taken from you will result in the chimp winning every time because you are not conditioned yet to place the chimp in time out while you're working. So just get up, look away and divert your attention until the trade's over, win or lose.
More...

Thanks @NoDoji you are correct that if I had not cut my winning trades so short, I would definitely be profitable... substantially so. Reviewing my trades from last week, there were many winners that I cut short prematurely. I am guessing on average a simply default take profit of 30 ticks would have netted me a substantial gain.

excellent point on the "chimp brain" going to work on that one...
 
Weekend Review:
Rested up, and had a fun weekend with family... and a very great party on Friday night! So now going through my weekend review and there are a few things that are becoming clear, and I will share my ideas on how to adjust accordingly.

1) Reviewing my trades from last week and my journaling of them, it is very clear that I am cutting my winners short. I know I have blogged about it each day, but when you go back and see just how many winning trades I cut short... well, it is encouraging to say the least.

Possible reasons for this:
a) I tend to cut losing trades quickly. If they aren't working out, I will let them go and wait to see what happens next. However, when I am in a winner I need to adjust that mindset to letting the trade continue with my working assumption. So foot off the gas, and just coast (even if that means standing on one leg)

b) I get so focused on having a winning day, that I don't want to give anything back. I need to remind myself that by controlling my risk, no single day needs to matter, instead it is multiple correct trading days that will consistently bring in the profit.

c) I tend to reduce my risk pretty quickly, rather than just giving the trade some more room to breath. It is like I don't want to take a loser, even if it is just a few ticks for the logical correct stop placement.

2) Having done three weeks of trading now, I catch myself consistently being under pressure to get out of the house and to my office, because I am not ready to leave. Sometimes I will shower and get ready before market open at 6:00 am and other times I will wait till later.... but I have decided that I am going to get ready prior to trading. That way the pressure is off, and I am not creating undue stress for myself.

3) Another adjustment is going to be allowing myself to trade after 9:00 am. I am consistently seeing good setups take place, and my office environment allows for reasonable focus. I will always have a stop and a take profit in, so that even if I had to be away from the computer during trading, there would still be proper trade management in place.

4) Emotional highjacking. I am going to watch for this one. Just being aware it can still happen, will be a help. No reason to contribute any ticks because I am frustrated, angry, or euphoric. Just walk away and take a break. Get the adrenaline out of the system.

5) MY INNER CRITIC LIES!! I mentioned on Friday how I had thought all week that I would blow it, or fail the combine that week, or have to reset. That little critic was nibbling away at my mind all week, and LYING TO ME... because that isn't what happened! Instead I actually closed the week with a profit. So I am going to focus on questioning that critic the next time I hear that voice.

All in all, I am learning so much about myself! I can see what to do, and how to improve. Yeserday I wrote a great quote on my chalkboard that I heard Mike Bellafiore say in a webinar.

"Weakness doesn't matter if you find a solution."
- CEO of Bridgewater Associates with 120 billion under management​
 
Day #16 - Started the day off with good entries, but then just couldn't hold them... I did two trades almost right away where I closed them with a 2 or 3 tick contribution only to see it go up to my 30 tick default take profit. I was super frustrated, and kept reminding myself that this is exactly what I didn't want to do.

Got up, moved around a bit, and tried to get my head in the game. I was down a little over $200 for the day, and I put on a great long... and told myself to just stay in until the profit target was hit, and I even added to the winner. Came within 6 ticks of my profit target, and reversed to stop me out with a loss. This was nuts, and totally pissed me off.

Now I am looking at my account, and realize I am flirting with my trailing max drawdown. I double check the #, and I am actually below it. So now I have to try to trade my way out of this, or the combine is done at end of the day. I tried a few trades, and just couldn't seem to catch anything... and worst, my brain was frustrated because I could see what to do, but I didn't believe it. Finally got in a trade, and tried to catch a move back higher... then I broke a rule and started putting on bigger size. I kept stops in, but I was really looking for a reversal and yea, of course with that mindset of trading... I got stopped out. In hindsight, I had gotten biased and was trading outside of my methodology. (Looking back at the day, it is so clear what the correct trading was)

So today this combine ended. Really frustrating, because I know what to do, but have the worst time sticking with it. I do have a conversation with my psych coach for later today, and will discuss this further.

The interesting thing that went through my head when I realized I had disqualified myself from this combine, was that I had disappointed Nebraska, TST community, others and my father. Crazy, eh? Especially when my father has no idea I am even doing this.

Finally, I have learned a lot about myself... and it has been super helpful to daily journal about all of what is running through my head. I can see the weaknesses, now need to work on the solutions.

To all of you who have followed this and contributed by comments, skype, or texts... thanks very much! In particular, I want to thank TopstepTrader for the low risk opportunity to trade for them, to my psych coach Mark Seflin for all his superb help, and anonymous traders @NoDoji , @Handle123 , and @Redneck for their unselfish feedback.

-1207
 
Yukoner said:
Day #16 - Started the day off with good entries, but then just couldn't hold them... I did two trades almost right away where I closed them with a 2 or 3 tick contribution only to see it go up to my 30 tick default take profit. I was super frustrated, and kept reminding myself that this is exactly what I didn't want to do.

Got up, moved around a bit, and tried to get my head in the game. I was down a little over $200 for the day, and I put on a great long... and told myself to just stay in until the profit target was hit, and I even added to the winner. Came within 6 ticks of my profit target, and reversed to stop me out with a loss. This was nuts, and totally pissed me off.

Now I am looking at my account, and realize I am flirting with my trailing max drawdown. I double check the #, and I am actually below it. So now I have to try to trade my way out of this, or the combine is done at end of the day. I tried a few trades, and just couldn't seem to catch anything... and worst, my brain was frustrated because I could see what to do, but I didn't believe it. Finally got in a trade, and tried to catch a move back higher... then I broke a rule and started putting on bigger size. I kept stops in, but I was really looking for a reversal and yea, of course with that mindset of trading... I got stopped out. In hindsight, I had gotten biased and was trading outside of my methodology. (Looking back at the day, it is so clear what the correct trading was)

So today this combine ended. Really frustrating, because I know what to do, but have the worst time sticking with it. I do have a conversation with my psych coach for later today, and will discuss this further.

The interesting thing that went through my head when I realized I had disqualified myself from this combine, was that I had disappointed Nebraska, TST community, others and my father. Crazy, eh? Especially when my father has no idea I am even doing this.

Finally, I have learned a lot about myself... and it has been super helpful to daily journal about all of what is running through my head. I can see the weaknesses, now need to work on the solutions.

To all of you who have followed this and contributed by comments, skype, or texts... thanks very much! In particular, I want to thank TopstepTrader for the low risk opportunity to trade for them, to my psych coach Mark Seflin for all his superb help, and anonymous traders @NoDoji , @Handle123 , and @Redneck for their unselfish feedback.

-1207
More...

We are human, and for whatever reason are too often too hard on ourselves, we rationalize we lost when we actually do nothing but gain in our lives. Defeat is not a loss, it is an opportunity to take what we learned, keep the good parts and walk away from the bad. I could have 23 losses in a row, and that means I know 23 ways NOT to do something again, even if I just changed one tidbit, that is a change. No one gets trading from the get go, otherwise we be trilionaires. Concentrate on the good, Concentrate in the winning trades, add to your trading rules, and biggest part is keep going forward and don't look behind. The only time you lose is when you stop, cause even going backwards, you are moving. Keep answering questions so you will know what to do in future. Print out charts of winning trades so you have clearer idea of what you are looking. I had a mentor long ago tell me to trade from across the room, signals are so clear you can spot them from there, and also when to get out early, so in my beginning, I would sit/stand back 10 feet, being too close to the tree doesn't allow me to see the forest.

I wish you luck on the next challenge.
 
Yup..., get up..., dust yerself off..., learn / improve from this..., move on

Dwelling serves no purpose


===============


I will say this - and no matter how much you decide to ignore / deny / justify your way around it / minimize it / whatever


Take it to the bank


Until..., and unless - you keep every loss..., and I mean every damn one of them - small


Where you are - is where you'll remain


==============

We can exit... and even reenter back in the same direction - way more cheaply

Than we can ever afford to remain in a loser waiting to "see" if it comes back


btw - every time it does come back - only reinforces an ultimately destructive behavior within us

================


Every trade has a breakdown point - and that point is exactly where the stop needs to be set (or rather 1C / tick - the other side of it)

Any more room - you're wasting money

Any less - you're pissing money away by getting prematurely stopped out

=======

To excel at trading - we must master losing

Irrefutable fact - and those who don't learn it - without exception - go boom (simply a matter of time)

=================


I am a self professed - A #1 loser

And this is exactly (the bottom line foundation) upon which I've built my trading career

It has never failed me - nor will it

RN
 
Redneck said:
Yup..., get up..., dust yerself off..., learn / improve from this..., move on

Dwelling serves no purpose


===============


I will say this - and no matter how much you decide to ignore / deny / justify your way around it / minimize it / whatever


Take it to the bank


Until..., and unless - you keep every loss..., and I mean every damn one of them - small


Where you are - is where you'll remain


==============

We can exit... and even reenter back in the same direction - way more cheaply

Than we can ever afford to remain in a loser waiting to "see" if it comes back


btw - every time it does come back - only reinforces an ultimately destructive behavior within us

================


Every trade has a breakdown point - and that point is exactly where the stop needs to be set (or rather 1C / tick - the other side of it)

Any more room - you're wasting money

Any less - you're pissing money away by getting prematurely stopped out

=======

To excel at trading - we must master losing

Irrefutable fact - and those who don't learn it - without exception - go boom (simply a matter of time)

=================


I am a self professed - A #1 loser

And this is exactly (the bottom line foundation) upon which I've built my trading career

It has never failed me - nor will it

RN
More...

Unbelievable.... I just got out of the session with my pysch coach, and read your words. Guess what my psych coach and I settled on, and I quote the words exactly that I wrote down...

"You need to embrace and be comfortable with being wrong."

Thanks for sharing.... amazing to get such a confirmation in less than 30 mins of writing it down.
 
Yukoner said:
Day #16 - Started the day off with good entries, but then just couldn't hold them... I did two trades almost right away where I closed them with a 2 or 3 tick contribution only to see it go up to my 30 tick default take profit. I was super frustrated, and kept reminding myself that this is exactly what I didn't want to do.
More...

Just choosing one thing to do differently will be a big step forward for your mindset. Cutting yourself off as soon as you feel frustration might be that one thing. Right here is your most important task - learn to let the winners run. If you fail to do that and feel the frustration of watching the price get to your target without you, maybe that's a good signal to stop right then and there. Once you're frustrated, all those demons will be dogging you and it will affect your performance on subsequent trades. Once you've cut off a winner, or changed up your plan in any way, your edge is now skewed for that day, as well. It might be best to stop. Analyze your previous performance and look at the results over time if you'd stopped trading the first trade where you violated a rule and got frustrated.
 
Yukoner said:
Unbelievable.... I just got out of the session with my pysch coach, and read your words. Guess what my psych coach and I settled on, and I quote the words exactly that I wrote down...

"You need to embrace and be comfortable with being wrong."
More...

“You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both. They are mutually exclusive.” - Brene Brown
 
Yukoner said:
...Finally, I have learned a lot about myself... and it has been super helpful to daily journal about all of what is running through my head. I can see the weaknesses, now need to work on the solutions...
More...

I highly recommend you don't do another combine or trade until you first resolve those psychological issues that you've discovered about yourself in this failed combine. The reason is that if you do another combine or trade again before resolving those psychological issues...the next failed trading episode may cause enough emotional damage that you will need to find something else instead of trading.

Simply, don't make the mistake of trying to use the combine or any other trading exercise to find a solution because the solution (the fix) needs to be found prior to trading and not during trading now that you've identified the problems.

Take care and wish you the best in trying to figure out how to manage those emotions.

Lots of famous people hit emotional ruts and they take a leave of absence to fix things prior to trying to resume their careers.
 
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