Yukoner's Psychological Trading Journal

[Handle123]

Day #8 - Slept well after a great day surfing. Woke up, and actually considered not trading. Just asked myself, do I need to be trading, or maybe I should just take a break. Then asked myself what was I worried about, I just needed to focus on trading well. Reminded myself to just "trade correctly".
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I found long ago that my brain had just gotten use to me losing as I had lost for seven years for day trading, and when I got into winning trades, brain felt scared and unsure of itself, I had trained brain well on how to select losing trades. It is not fear of loss, it is fear of change, and the change is to stay in trades longer and going the other way. Being successful is different for all, I don't look at how I do my job in trading have anything to do in terms of my life being successful. We all have different labels.

Unless you trading plan say not to trade, time to make widgets.

 

[Yukoner]

I found long ago that my brain had just gotten use to me losing as I had lost for seven years for day trading, and when I got into winning trades, brain felt scared and unsure of itself, I had trained brain well on how to select losing trades. It is not fear of loss, it is fear of change, and the change is to stay in trades longer and going the other way. Being successful is different for all, I don't look at how I do my job in trading have anything to do in terms of my life being successful.

That is a very good point about the brain being used to that and feeling scared and unsure of itself. Your point of it is not fear of loss, but fear of change.... hmmmm, now that is something I need to mull over as it resonates somewhat. Thanks for sharing!

For myself, I have to get to the bottom of this fear. I am thinking it probably has something to do with unconscious fear of authority, and so in this case, Topstep Trader would be the authority. Don't want to disappoint, don't want to be punished for breaking rules, etc... all those echoes from the past.

However, it has been real helpful the last two days to be focusing on not whether I win or lose, but am I trading correctly.

 

[Handle123]

My ES day trading methods are geared to making over 50% of my trades to get to breakeven plus one tick, I average down on all signals, so after so many minutes target is changed. I have day traded 29 years, so I have become numb to much dealing about Price, I wake up to not having a bias, have no clear idea of what happened over night and really couldn't tell anyone if it was an up/down day, once last trade is over, takes ten seconds to easily forget. I really look at trading like I have worked same factory job forever. Just keep doing the same things over and over. I read the forum to hopefully find something I have not seen before, something else to think about. After awhile the brain just gets use to your way of trading, it happily picks out the profitable trades cause that is what it has learned to do. There is no winning/losing, it is either profitable or not profitable. My views of success are different than everyone else, we all walk different shoes.

Eventually you will get past all that was taught on making you feel guilt, better to give "them" than receive, unless you have lived it, most don't understand why some don't like authority. "Either do it our way or you will be hit" by priests or nuns, at some point you will see it is like our government, do it our way or we will bomb the crap out of you.

 

[Yukoner]

Day #9 - Been a busy day, and only now late evening am I able to type about what was a very frustrating day. Had a few minor clues that I wasn't a 100%... tired, restless, skin bothering me... but I was very stoked on trading. I had planned the night before for this day, and was pretty sure there would be a down day, a significant down day.

So how the heck did I manage to screw it up? Real simple... I didn't trade correctly. I actually saw some amazing trades setup, and I thought "No way, this is too easy" and "If I see it so obvious, so does everyone else". I even took one of my classic setups shorting oil early in the day (before it dropped 200 more ticks), but did I even hold to my profit target... of course not, I didn't believe enough to just trade correctly so I closed it out with just a few ticks withdrawn.

So overall, I would say today has been the most frustrating trading day of this whole combine. It felt like I just couldn't do the correct behavior... I then got under pressure, because the account was down, and I reverted to old trading behavior trying to scalp my way into a position... which violates my plans for this combine. So I can only say, I "tilted"...
I like what @Handle123 says about our brains getting used to patterns, and realize I will need to retrain my brain to act differently. Obviously what I am doing now under pressure isn't working.

Thankfully, I stopped short of hitting my daily loss limit. I didn't add to any losing trades. I used stops. And overall my working assumption about the market was successful... that is what probably makes this more frustrating than any other day. However, I am learning... I am learning... and each day I am getting closer to that goal.

-$960

 

[nursebee]

I don't see this ending profitably.

 

[Redneck]

but I was very stoked on trading.

This is problematic

You like giving the mkt that advantage??

Because the only way (psychologically speaking) from there - is down

And damn sure the mkt has the ability to easily disappoint - if allowed to do so


===============


H123 says.., he makes widgets

He does not get excited about that prospect…, it simply the work at hand


Trading is a grind..., and it needs to be


Don’t be high.., or low – be neutral

RN

 

[wrbtrader]

Day #9...So how the heck did I manage to screw it up? Real simple... I didn't trade correctly. I actually saw some amazing trades setup, and I thought "No way, this is too easy" and "If I see it so obvious, so does everyone else". I even took one of my classic setups shorting oil early in the day (before it dropped 200 more ticks), but did I even hold to my profit target... of course not, I didn't believe enough to just trade correctly so I closed it out with just a few ticks withdrawn.

So overall, I would say today has been the most frustrating trading day of this whole combine. It felt like I just couldn't do the correct behavior... I then got under pressure, because the account was down, and I reverted to old trading behavior trying to scalp my way into a position... which violates my plans for this combine. So I can only say, I "tilted"...
I like what @Handle123 says about our brains getting used to patterns, and realize I will need to retrain my brain to act differently. Obviously what I am doing now under pressure isn't working.

Thankfully, I stopped short of hitting my daily loss limit. I didn't add to any losing trades. I used stops. And overall my working assumption about the market was successful... that is what probably makes this more frustrating than any other day. However, I am learning... I am learning... and each day I am getting closer to that goal.

-$960

I notice your two biggest losing days were on obvious big trend days. Therefore, I'm going to assume you're counter-trend trading and that such is part of your trade method. If counter-trend trading is not part of your trade method...you need to determine why you're molding (changing) your entry rules so that counter-trend trading is "acceptable" @ entry into a trade.

Thus, something (emotional or psychological) is sabotaging your analysis whenever you see an obvious trend that convinces you counter-trend trading is OK unless your trade method does involve rules for counter-trend trading.

Yet, another possibility is that you're not following your entry rules but then after you're in a trade you know you shouldn't be in...instead of exiting for a small loss/profit...you then sabotage yourself again via staying in the trade in an effort to be discipline in managing a trade via your trade management rules. This is a very deceptive to the mind. You'll eventually train you mind to believe your overall trading plan is via the rules when in fact you're only following the rules after you're in a trade.

Last of all, when you're in a trade that you got the price direction correct but then you exit early before your profit target...how's your trading AFTER that particular trade. Thus, I'm wondering if those early exit trades are having impact on trades that occurs after them. Something else to think about, maybe your profit targets aren't realistic and your early exits are then appropriate.

 

[Yukoner]

Day #10 - Slept well, and woke up and made a specific point to take care of my skin prior to trading. (Suffer from exzema), I reminded myself that I didn't have to trade today, and that I only wanted to trade if it was the correct thing to do.

It was an interesting morning in crude, I saw two great setups forming and tried to take one of them and was missed by 3 ticks, but I wasn't willing to pay those few ticks to just get in. I tried a couple of trades, but was getting stopped out, and I was still catching myself holding my breath.

I messaged my psych coach and he offered to talk live with me while I was trading. That was really helpful, as he was reminding me to breath and we were discussing real time some of the angst I was feeling. I did one good trade, and even tried adding to the winner (missed fill by 1 tick), and I held it for longer than normal... but I still fought with keeping it to the profit target. Market call was bang on, low risk... but for some reason I fight myself to just let the trade work and get to target. The cool thing was that this was real time with my psych coach, and he saw it all unfold. Scheduled to discuss it later today.

One thing I have learned, is that I am really hard on myself. Rather than accepting that I put on a great trade, and manged to withdraw solid ticks and pull myself out of a hole, instead I start beating myself up. I know in hindsight, you can always do things better... so something else on the list to work on.

I think it boils down to this, I have to start believing in my real time analysis. Take the trades, and then let it unfold as per the plan, rather than trying to second guess things.

-32

 

[NoDoji]

I actually saw some amazing trades setup, and I thought "No way, this is too easy" and "If I see it so obvious, so does everyone else".

What makes a "great" setup? Usually it's some sort of "textbook" price action setup such as the market tries to do something twice and fails (1-2-3 setup).

And everyone sees it.

Everyone with a position in the direction of the attempted moves has stop losses (or is ready to lighten up positions) at the break of the 1-2-3 pattern and everyone waiting on the sidelines to take the opposite position has stop entry orders (or is ready to initiate a position) at the break of the 1-2-3 pattern.

It's that easy and it either works or it fails. When it works, it works real good. When it fails, your stop loss protects you.

 

[Yukoner]

Day #11 - Slept really well, and woke up feeling good. As per my psych coach I am cutting down on coffee intake in the morning and I am eating more. I went through my morning ritual, and reminded myself that my focus needed to be on trading "correctly" versus being on whether I am right or wrong. I also reminded myself to stay relaxed and keep breathing.

Secondly, as I didn't have to be in the office today, I gave myself permission to trade past the 9:00 am cutoff as long as I took a break prior. (Longer you trade, the more it wears down your discipline)

Today felt like an improvement in my trading. I was definitely more relaxed. Started to feel like the outcome of any one trade didn't matter. I also kept asking myself what the correct trading was. However, I did really fight with doing the correct thing once I was in a trade. I would get some great entries, but then get fearful as the profit was building... and rather than just lower my risk, I would close out the trade.

The important thing is that I was aware of this. This is a great thing, as being aware is half way to the solution. I also realized something today during my break... "I can build the mental environment that I want to trade with... and that is what I am in the process of doing right now".

A few things from my weekend that I will share:

1) Laminated a quote for my trading desk:
"To live a creative life we must lose our fear of being wrong." - Joseph Chilton Pearce

2) Read a chapter in a new book, and I quote Rande Howell:
"Fear, until mastered, blocks the development of your potential." and regarding our brains "It organized for avoidance, and trying to keep you in our comfort zone, which is the familiar. It forms self-fulfilling patterns based on the avoidance of fear and uncertainty. These patterns are set on cruise-control and dominate your state of mind, forcing you to trade from avoidance and greed rather than calm impartiality."


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