Yukoner's Psychological Trading Journal
- Thread starter Yukoner
- Start date
Day #3
Woke up feeling good, and positive. Reminded myself not to be cocky or arrogant. Took my time getting ready and focused on staying relaxed and ready to trade. Stuck with my routine and turned the computer on ready to trade.
I took a few trades, but still jittery. It was cautious trading with oil moving so fast today. (Had to widen my stops to default 20 ticks) Then after the news report, I waited patiently for the retrace and went long... but again, my brain freaked me out and I closed the trade out with a 2 tick contribution only to watch it climb up 80 ticks... believe me I was frustrated!
I kept wanting to get long, and missed entries and didn't pull the trigger. However, when I finally got long... yea, the market moved against me fast. Suddenly I am closing the trade out, and now I am down for the day $345 with commissions.
Realized that I was frustrated. That I wasn't trading well. That I was fighting FOMO. That I needed to take a break. So I got up, moved around.... breathed a bit... swung my arms around, and reminded myself that I was a good trader. I took good entries. I just needed to trade well and not get emotionally highjacked. Came back to the computer, and was focused... and even though I was a bit freaked out, I managed to take a great long and was stopped out withdrawing about 31 ticks. Suddenly I am not so down anymore... one good trade.
Again, reminded myself to wait patiently for the entry. I got in again, and right away I was up 15 ticks or so... fast moving market today was. Half of me was screaming that I should be adding to the position, the other half of me was screaming to lock in 10 ticks and have a profitable day. Such a fast moving day in crude, with huge swings, without hardly thinking about it I moved my stop up to lock in 10 ticks and ended up withdrawing 10 ticks. So now I am ahead for the day, and that felt good.... but that was totally the wrong thing to do. Had I stuck to my plan and trailed my stop, it was an easy 50 tick gain.
I also fought with trading after the 9:00 am cutoff. Had a beautiful low risk setup, that I really wanted to take. Which was the correct trade to do... but it was after 9:00 am. So I didn't take it... and then watched it all move my way very nicely for 60 ticks. So more FOMO. Going to work on that too
Summary: I am pleased I took some time to relax and get my head on right, and traded out of a hole. However, I really need to do a better job of managing my winners. I can cut my losers pretty quick, which I know is key... but with my winners, I need to do a better job of managing them, and giving them room to breathe.
It does feel good to have another winning day. That is three in a row now.
+57
Woke up feeling good, and positive. Reminded myself not to be cocky or arrogant. Took my time getting ready and focused on staying relaxed and ready to trade. Stuck with my routine and turned the computer on ready to trade.
I took a few trades, but still jittery. It was cautious trading with oil moving so fast today. (Had to widen my stops to default 20 ticks) Then after the news report, I waited patiently for the retrace and went long... but again, my brain freaked me out and I closed the trade out with a 2 tick contribution only to watch it climb up 80 ticks... believe me I was frustrated!
I kept wanting to get long, and missed entries and didn't pull the trigger. However, when I finally got long... yea, the market moved against me fast. Suddenly I am closing the trade out, and now I am down for the day $345 with commissions.
Realized that I was frustrated. That I wasn't trading well. That I was fighting FOMO. That I needed to take a break. So I got up, moved around.... breathed a bit... swung my arms around, and reminded myself that I was a good trader. I took good entries. I just needed to trade well and not get emotionally highjacked. Came back to the computer, and was focused... and even though I was a bit freaked out, I managed to take a great long and was stopped out withdrawing about 31 ticks. Suddenly I am not so down anymore... one good trade.
Again, reminded myself to wait patiently for the entry. I got in again, and right away I was up 15 ticks or so... fast moving market today was. Half of me was screaming that I should be adding to the position, the other half of me was screaming to lock in 10 ticks and have a profitable day. Such a fast moving day in crude, with huge swings, without hardly thinking about it I moved my stop up to lock in 10 ticks and ended up withdrawing 10 ticks. So now I am ahead for the day, and that felt good.... but that was totally the wrong thing to do. Had I stuck to my plan and trailed my stop, it was an easy 50 tick gain.
I also fought with trading after the 9:00 am cutoff. Had a beautiful low risk setup, that I really wanted to take. Which was the correct trade to do... but it was after 9:00 am. So I didn't take it... and then watched it all move my way very nicely for 60 ticks. So more FOMO. Going to work on that too
Summary: I am pleased I took some time to relax and get my head on right, and traded out of a hole. However, I really need to do a better job of managing my winners. I can cut my losers pretty quick, which I know is key... but with my winners, I need to do a better job of managing them, and giving them room to breathe.
It does feel good to have another winning day. That is three in a row now.
+57
Relaxed now, and it is evening. I've done my review of today's trades and shortly will do my prep for tomorrow... and then a walk on the waterfront to unwind. (Grabbing my 30 mins plus of recharging my mental capital). However in thinking about the day, I remembered something about having a winning mindset... I am pretty sure it is written down in my leather trading journal, going to hunt for it now and if I find it, I'll write down the words...
FOUND IT! Dated Feb 13 - 2014 and worth writing the whole page of notes down.
"I realized in trading the combine, that there is a fundamental issue in my trading. I am trading not to lose, when instead I should be trading to win.
The subtle difference is my focus. Trading to lose, means I am focusing on a negative outcome, which is how we are biologically wired anyhow. But then I start adjusting trades based on not losing, rather than on winning!"
Interesting, eh? I can totally see myself doing this in the last three trading combine days.
So tomorrow, and the next few days... I am going to focus on this. I want to cut my losers quickly, if the trade isn't working and not going my direction quickly... then I am out. BUT if it is working, and going my direction... even slowly... I am going to stick with my trading plan. I am going to try to keep the winners on, and let market profile exit my trade... not the ticks gained. I will also have a session with my trading head shrink, Mark Seflin. Trying to get to the bottom of why I am freaking out and having a tough time letting my winners work.
Lastly, there is that little voice in the back of my head saying..."When are you going to have a losing day... tomorrow?" Think I need to reread this post in the morning, prior to trading.
Thanks to all who are following this journal and rooting for me!
FOUND IT! Dated Feb 13 - 2014 and worth writing the whole page of notes down.
"I realized in trading the combine, that there is a fundamental issue in my trading. I am trading not to lose, when instead I should be trading to win.
The subtle difference is my focus. Trading to lose, means I am focusing on a negative outcome, which is how we are biologically wired anyhow. But then I start adjusting trades based on not losing, rather than on winning!"
Interesting, eh? I can totally see myself doing this in the last three trading combine days.
So tomorrow, and the next few days... I am going to focus on this. I want to cut my losers quickly, if the trade isn't working and not going my direction quickly... then I am out. BUT if it is working, and going my direction... even slowly... I am going to stick with my trading plan. I am going to try to keep the winners on, and let market profile exit my trade... not the ticks gained. I will also have a session with my trading head shrink, Mark Seflin. Trying to get to the bottom of why I am freaking out and having a tough time letting my winners work.
Lastly, there is that little voice in the back of my head saying..."When are you going to have a losing day... tomorrow?" Think I need to reread this post in the morning, prior to trading.
Thanks to all who are following this journal and rooting for me!
Day #4 - Woke up this morning with texts from my X... I saw a "drinking wine and reading" and seeing how they came in after midnight, figured I probably don't want to read any of this prior to trading today. Just let it go, leave it alone... stay focused on your trading this morning. That was a bit hard, because it is in the back of my head. Might not be anything, but at the same time I need to protect myself from any setbacks.
Went through my standard routine, and heard that nagging voice again... "Is today the day that you have a losing day". Reminded myself, so what if I do... I still control my risk.
Put on a trade, and adrenaline again hits my system, went my direction a bit and I reduced my risk and was stopped out almost right away contributing 5 ticks. Mark Seflin, my head shrink trading coach, wanted to talk to me live while I was in a trade or putting on a trade. So I skyped him, and a bit later he watched me live... noticed that I am often holding my breath, and so I need to make a conscious effort to breathe consistently.
So I am talking him through why I am taking a trade, and I put on a short trade risking 10 ticks. Tell him the profit target, and it goes against me 3 or 4 ticks and before I know it... I am closing it out contributing 3 ticks and I am 1 tick from the high as it then proceeds to go my direction and "live" as I am talking with Mark it goes right to my profit target of 30 ticks, and then through that. So yea, I am feeling frustrated.
I have a good discussion with Mark about what was happening, and where my head is at. We decide that I should try just putting a trade on, and letting it work till either the stop is hit or the take profit is hit, and I only reduce risk if the trade is going my direction. So I see a long setting up, and I say lets try this right now...
My first entry I ended up scratching it at breakeven. Then saw the setup happen again, and I put on another long. Again, I talked it through with Mark and he coached me on holding onto it... all the while pointing out to me that I would tense up and stop breathing. Telling me that I needed to breath. The market was going my direction, and I just so wanted to cover again with 12 ticks or so, but I stuck with the plan and the take profit of 18 ticks was hit... just below my first target area.
It really helped a lot to have someone to talk to. Especially a true coach. I wish I had stuck with the short trade I put on, that gained 30 ticks, but as per Mark I am congratulating myself for reading the market well.
As for the texts from the X, I read them after my 9:00 am trading shut off. Nothing too serious, just obvious she wants to stay in touch and still have a friendship. Not sure that is a position I can handle right now....
+95
Feels great to have a winning day again, for day #4. All though I do fight a bit of FOMO, cause I really wanted to buy the low 77.60 around my 9:00 am shut off. Now it is up at 78.17
Went through my standard routine, and heard that nagging voice again... "Is today the day that you have a losing day". Reminded myself, so what if I do... I still control my risk.
Put on a trade, and adrenaline again hits my system, went my direction a bit and I reduced my risk and was stopped out almost right away contributing 5 ticks. Mark Seflin, my head shrink trading coach, wanted to talk to me live while I was in a trade or putting on a trade. So I skyped him, and a bit later he watched me live... noticed that I am often holding my breath, and so I need to make a conscious effort to breathe consistently.
So I am talking him through why I am taking a trade, and I put on a short trade risking 10 ticks. Tell him the profit target, and it goes against me 3 or 4 ticks and before I know it... I am closing it out contributing 3 ticks and I am 1 tick from the high as it then proceeds to go my direction and "live" as I am talking with Mark it goes right to my profit target of 30 ticks, and then through that. So yea, I am feeling frustrated.
I have a good discussion with Mark about what was happening, and where my head is at. We decide that I should try just putting a trade on, and letting it work till either the stop is hit or the take profit is hit, and I only reduce risk if the trade is going my direction. So I see a long setting up, and I say lets try this right now...
My first entry I ended up scratching it at breakeven. Then saw the setup happen again, and I put on another long. Again, I talked it through with Mark and he coached me on holding onto it... all the while pointing out to me that I would tense up and stop breathing. Telling me that I needed to breath. The market was going my direction, and I just so wanted to cover again with 12 ticks or so, but I stuck with the plan and the take profit of 18 ticks was hit... just below my first target area.
It really helped a lot to have someone to talk to. Especially a true coach. I wish I had stuck with the short trade I put on, that gained 30 ticks, but as per Mark I am congratulating myself for reading the market well.
As for the texts from the X, I read them after my 9:00 am trading shut off. Nothing too serious, just obvious she wants to stay in touch and still have a friendship. Not sure that is a position I can handle right now....
+95
Feels great to have a winning day again, for day #4. All though I do fight a bit of FOMO, cause I really wanted to buy the low 77.60 around my 9:00 am shut off. Now it is up at 78.17
On the mechanics of my trading, let me throw a few things out there:
I am only trading one contract, even though in this combine I can trade up to 5 contracts. However, I will add to a winning trade with another contract, but only if my original $$ risked can stay close to the same as with one contract.
My reasoning is that when I go live trading with Topstep Trader I would have to start with only having 2 contracts of buying power, so unless I am missing something, I don't see how it makes much sense to trade more than 2 contracts in this combine.
Secondly, with their new 80/20 trading split and immediate senior status, two contracts of buying power gives me plenty to start trading OPM with.... think of an old man easing into a bath. My goal is consistency, and if I can consistently extract ticks from the market then increasing my buying power will be a natural progression.
Another thing I am noticing, is my head space is much better when I don't have the time pressure of a 10 day or 20 day combine. Previously, I would be telling myself I have over $500 of profit this week I need to step it up and start taking more risk, because the clock is ticking. Now I don't worry about that... which is much more similar to "live trading". This is a great feeling.
I am only trading one contract, even though in this combine I can trade up to 5 contracts. However, I will add to a winning trade with another contract, but only if my original $$ risked can stay close to the same as with one contract.
My reasoning is that when I go live trading with Topstep Trader I would have to start with only having 2 contracts of buying power, so unless I am missing something, I don't see how it makes much sense to trade more than 2 contracts in this combine.
Secondly, with their new 80/20 trading split and immediate senior status, two contracts of buying power gives me plenty to start trading OPM with.... think of an old man easing into a bath. My goal is consistency, and if I can consistently extract ticks from the market then increasing my buying power will be a natural progression.
Another thing I am noticing, is my head space is much better when I don't have the time pressure of a 10 day or 20 day combine. Previously, I would be telling myself I have over $500 of profit this week I need to step it up and start taking more risk, because the clock is ticking. Now I don't worry about that... which is much more similar to "live trading". This is a great feeling.
Your stops are small and your targets are larger. You have an edge, too. So there's nothing to fear if you simply let your stop/target orders take care of you.
Print a picture of a blank check and write in the amount of your take-home pay yesterday if you simply let your OCO orders manage your trades and keep that check in front of you to reinforce the benefit of letting your edge take care of your profits.
+950 (is that close?)
Last edited:
Thanks @NoDoji I appreciate the feedback. I was thinking this weekend, when I review all my trades this week I will also tally up the result if I had simply placed orders with stops and take profits and never touched it after that. Thought that would be an interesting exercise.
I like that line..."simply let your stop/target orders take care of you."
I like that line..."simply let your stop/target orders take care of you."
Day #5 - Started my day off reminding myself about breathing, and about trying to let my winners work. I started the day off contributing ticks, and that was frustrating as I was seeing the market... but either I was missing the entry fills, or I would get in but no real follow through.
Then I missed a short, and took the second attempt at my level seconds before crude moved about 70 ticks in 4 minutes. Suddenly I am now down about $350 for the day. Yea, I know I am taking about contributing and withdrawing ticks... but when you look up and see 60% of the weeks profit gone, it sucks. At that point I considered just stopping for the day.
I took another trade, and lost a bit more. This is when I started to feel a TILT. I suddenly was wanting to fight back, and get up again. So before I really think about it, I am entering a trade with two contracts not one contract... which violates my entry rules. A bit of a gunslinger attitude and I realize this isn't good, get back to trading normal with one contract. I wish I could say I stopped right away, but I didn't... I had a great short on with 2 contracts, but now my brain is freaking out... and I'm telling myself this is stupid, you are violating your rules. Get back to one contract, reduce your risk. Closed that one prematurely, and then watched it move 25 ticks or so in my direction. Settled myself a bit, and got back to try to trade 1 contract.
The other "tell" I noticed was that I had stopped journaling my trades. Part of that is it isn't always easy to stay focused on the market, but then be on another screen typing in what I am doing. However, the other part is that my discipline is slipping. I could feel it... and at one point, the dust settles and I am down almost $600... which is more than my profit for the whole week. I shout out, don't TILT, don't TILT. I then wait, and even though I wanted to put on two contracts I put on one contract with an excellent entry... and I hold it, past the target and cover with about 25 ticks.
I stopped. I went and took a break. Got away from the computer for a while. Reminded myself that I am a good trader, I just got emotionally highjacked for a moment. Settled down, and when I went back to the computer I felt much more confident and ready to trade. I remember telling myself... "Base hits, base hits, can get you back to breakeven for the day." So I took another trade and ended up withdrawing about 11 ticks. Now I am only down -260 for the day. And I can feel the confidence coming back, myself relaxing, and I know that I can trade out of this hole and put some profit on the board.
The problem is time. It is getting close to my 9:00 am shut off, and my rules (because I want to stay focused) say not to enter new trades once I get to my office. I had one more nice long right around 9:00 am, which I entered... it went my direction about 7 ticks and I moved my stop loss to breakeven, shut the computer off... and left my house smoking some "Hopeitis". Yea, you can all guess what happened... stopped out.
Now the other real challenge. I am calmed down, and I am seeing the market well! I feel certain that I can trade here, and get myself out of the hole. BUT, it is after 9:00 am now.... and so I had to really battle with NOT trading. I even start calling it real time to a friend on skype, and they were good trades (+30 and +40 potential). BUT, boy oh boy did I have to fight with not trading....
Kept telling myself the discipline was worth it, even at the cost of having a losing day.
-266
Then I missed a short, and took the second attempt at my level seconds before crude moved about 70 ticks in 4 minutes. Suddenly I am now down about $350 for the day. Yea, I know I am taking about contributing and withdrawing ticks... but when you look up and see 60% of the weeks profit gone, it sucks. At that point I considered just stopping for the day.
I took another trade, and lost a bit more. This is when I started to feel a TILT. I suddenly was wanting to fight back, and get up again. So before I really think about it, I am entering a trade with two contracts not one contract... which violates my entry rules. A bit of a gunslinger attitude and I realize this isn't good, get back to trading normal with one contract. I wish I could say I stopped right away, but I didn't... I had a great short on with 2 contracts, but now my brain is freaking out... and I'm telling myself this is stupid, you are violating your rules. Get back to one contract, reduce your risk. Closed that one prematurely, and then watched it move 25 ticks or so in my direction. Settled myself a bit, and got back to try to trade 1 contract.
The other "tell" I noticed was that I had stopped journaling my trades. Part of that is it isn't always easy to stay focused on the market, but then be on another screen typing in what I am doing. However, the other part is that my discipline is slipping. I could feel it... and at one point, the dust settles and I am down almost $600... which is more than my profit for the whole week. I shout out, don't TILT, don't TILT. I then wait, and even though I wanted to put on two contracts I put on one contract with an excellent entry... and I hold it, past the target and cover with about 25 ticks.
I stopped. I went and took a break. Got away from the computer for a while. Reminded myself that I am a good trader, I just got emotionally highjacked for a moment. Settled down, and when I went back to the computer I felt much more confident and ready to trade. I remember telling myself... "Base hits, base hits, can get you back to breakeven for the day." So I took another trade and ended up withdrawing about 11 ticks. Now I am only down -260 for the day. And I can feel the confidence coming back, myself relaxing, and I know that I can trade out of this hole and put some profit on the board.
The problem is time. It is getting close to my 9:00 am shut off, and my rules (because I want to stay focused) say not to enter new trades once I get to my office. I had one more nice long right around 9:00 am, which I entered... it went my direction about 7 ticks and I moved my stop loss to breakeven, shut the computer off... and left my house smoking some "Hopeitis". Yea, you can all guess what happened... stopped out.
Now the other real challenge. I am calmed down, and I am seeing the market well! I feel certain that I can trade here, and get myself out of the hole. BUT, it is after 9:00 am now.... and so I had to really battle with NOT trading. I even start calling it real time to a friend on skype, and they were good trades (+30 and +40 potential). BUT, boy oh boy did I have to fight with not trading....
Kept telling myself the discipline was worth it, even at the cost of having a losing day.
-266