In my humble opinion, who gives a shit what anyone else says?
Honestly, as I read these posts in your journal, and being familiar with your previous journal, it just seems to me like too much emphasis is being placed on your feelings. We of course know that much of trading is psychological, but the end goal of the continued journey is for psychology to not be a factor in your decisions. When you're writing so much about how you feel, and where these feelings come from, etc., it seems to me that you're focusing on the wrong thing. You're absolutely right that you're probably affected by trading for this prop firm.
To focus on the right thing would be to take a trade and exit that trade, and then journal if the trade was according to plan. Even if the trade wasn't according to plan, perhaps you saw something that made you exit, and this can be fine as well, as long as its something from the market. There is a huge amount of intuition I believe that makes sense to act on when you've watched the markets live for thousands of hours. On the flip side, you can also follow a strict plan of trade hits either the profit target or stop, and then you move onto the next trade. But this of course all comes down to your plan, which nobody here knows, and hence nobody can comment on.
With you talking about nothing but how you feel, you're putting all your effort and emphasis in the wrong place. Experienced traders, even though they still have feelings, push them away. Even if a trade is entered or exited based on feelings, its just one stupid trade and they move on. If they stop trading for the day because of this, then its the feeling that wins out, which is a bad thing of course.
It is my opinion, and it means absolutely nothing, that you're not quite ready to be doing this. As you pointed out, you may not be using your own money, but this leads to even more pressure to do well. You've already said that your hands were shaking, you're asking for affirmation from others, and there are other clues in what you say that you're in no way detached psychologically from your trades. If you were flipping coins, I don't think you'd have a journal about how you feel before each flip, and this is exactly the state of mind you need to be in. Hence, having a journal about how you feel is exactly why it seems to me that you're not yet on the right track.
All that matters is the trade. Why not journal the trades you take, entry + exit, or whatever parameters you want to share, and this will then help you focus on taking power away from those feelings and put the emphasis on the numbers and stats.
I wanted to post this first with a clear head.