Day #24 (Baby Step #5) Slept well, and actually woke up about 30 mins prior to my alarm, and felt good. The only problem was as I got ready for the day, I kept having this feeling that I was going to blow it today (even had a bit of it last night too). In the past I might have tried to brush it aside, or crank up some good tunes to pump myself up and stay positive... but I know better now.
So I slowed down, and asked myself where this was coming from. It was the past history, saying
you can't keep staying consistent, you probably won't have a winning week, you might have a losing day today. So I reminded myself, the past can lie, and today is what matters... and what was my goal today? So I broke it down one more time... I want to correctly execute every trade that I take. If I can do that, then today will be a success. And that is 100% in my control, regardless of what the market does.
Once I started trading, I actually felt okay about the day. The challenge was my first couple of trades contributed ticks, so the account was in a negative position. Then I took a trade, and watched it get close to my target... and I could have closed it and had account over breakeven, but that wouldn't have been the correct thing to do... so I sat there and watched it not exit with a profit and come back and stop me out for a small loss. I reminded myself again, that was the correct thing to do... Checkmark in my journal.
A couple of more trades. Checkmark. Checkmark. But then I made a mistake. (And I hate writing this) I put a trade on, and rather than just let it work I got a bit concerned with being down a few ticks, and I closed it with a 1 tick contribution only to see it almost immediately go my way and to my profit target. I stopped and asked the question... Why did I do that? I acknowledged I had gotten scared.. and at that point I would have stopped for the day, but I remembered what @
monoid had said about mindfulness, and particularly "acknowledging it" and setting it aside and moving forward. So I tried that. I acknowledged I had gotten scared, that this wasn't the correct way to trade, and I needed to stay neutral and just take the damn trades. Once I did that, I felt the fear dissipate and I was back to seeing the market well again.
I double checked my account balance, and I was down a bit over $300. My personal loss limit for the day is $400, so even though I am not watching P&L I needed to still be aware. Then I saw a trade setup, and if only that one trade mattered, then the correct thing to do was take the trade. I took the trade, it worked out well, and I wanted to add to it... but just never did... and it goes through my profit target and I am out with 31 ticks profit.
Then it was like a light came on inside, I could really see the market well. Everything was setting up as per my methodology. Now the crazy thing, greed kicks in and I want to trade big, because I just wanted to have a real profitable day trading and show everyone that I can trade. I tell myself,
Don't be greedy, stick with your plan! I did some breathing exercises and got up and walked away from the computer and calmed myself down.
Note: So amazing that I can so quickly swing from being fearful to feeling greedy. I really need to work more on becoming more emotionally stable when trading.
After that I actually felt confidence. I had thought the market was going to move higher, but I got rid of that bias, and just asked myself... what is the market telling me. What is my methodology here, what is the correct thing to do. And then there it was, and I did exactly what I was supposed to do, get short... was again tempted to add bigger size.. but told myself, that wasn't part of the plan. Exited the trade, and called it a day as I had to drive my son to school. Checkmark.
This is a long post, but it is an important one to me, because what kept bringing me back to being centered was the constant focus on "Correct execution". Frankly, there was a lot of bad habits surfacing, and old emotion, but that focus helped stop me from straying too far.
Hello sweet weekend.
+180
. I don't think you still understand the magnitude of his magnanimity; or may be you do, but if you don't, when you look back in years to come, you will understand what I mean. He alone deserves most (yes, only most not all 
imo