You're already on ignore, but to put this to bed:
1. Teaching someone to code is trivial. When you've been in the game for almost a decade there are paradigms you can show someone that vastly reduces the time they spend in the neophyte phase of their software engineering career. I've curated these, because as a consultant, I am often tasked with bringing a team up to speed quickly that is underperforming on industry metrics (burndowns, feature delivery, and deep knowledge on architecture). I prefer to lead through example. Something must be working because I keep making money!
2. I use Excel as a method of prototyping. Often it is plenty for doing financial modeling tasks, which is a primary task I perform when I evaluate a trade. I've pulled away from a lot of heavy quantitative investing recently, because despite graduating with a BSc Computer Science and a minor in Mathematics, I have found the simplest solution is often the best. It's very difficult to do arbitrage trades with small money and a retail account. I've used MATLAB, R, and Python to great effect (Python being what I ported majority of my options pricing work to), but no tool is better for financial modeling than Excel. I can tell you are young and stupid because you scoffed at Excel immediately. Classic. Excel is extendable trivially using C#. But you wouldn't care about what I've done in that space either.
3. As a consultant I am usually dealing with companies using antiquated technology. This includes older variants of C#, Java pre 1.8, etc. I have plenty of experience (around half a decades worth) in "modern" programming languages and began my career as a Ruby backend dev when that was the hotness. If you want real "modern" languages I've used - I've done projects (that paid me) in Haskell and Scala. I've even worked in Clojure, which was a lot of fun for the one year it was huge in the industry. What can I say, I can't pass up an opportunity to use a modern take on LISP. I even wrote some personal stuff for options trading in OCaml after being inspired by Jane Street - but that project ended quickly because F# is just a better OCaml anyway.
Send me a PM sometime. It sounds like you need someone to help you learn to code.