Why the heck is even GOLD going down?!

The correct answer is no, congratulations!!
As a retail piker, my holdings do not meet deliverable requirements.
But futures and/or options do allow, at a minimum, to indirectly "protect" physical holdings from adverse movement.

Don't be a schmuck.
Point to a webpage please.

First I'm hearing about futures allowing someone to indirectly "protect" themselves from adverse movement for any commodity. That is not held in a futures account.

Unless you mean lol trading futures. Post spot charts but post about futures.
 
Inflation hedge? Hedge against economy tanking? Any of that stuff? Apparently not, at least not anymore!!! :(:(:(

*smashes head against wall*
Gold is priced in dollars, in case you hadn't noticed. Normally inflation goes hand in hand with a weakening dollar (dollar down, prices up.) This inflation, however, is being caused by externalities (war and supply line issues). The U.S. dollar is seen as a safe haven. There is BIG war on affecting economies around the world. The fed is tightening making yields on interest-paying , dollar-denominated assets more attractive. The dollar is being bought, other currencies sold.
 
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