1. RONALD REAGAN
Why he could win: recent reports are he has God on his side, thereby boosting his chances. Easily the front runner.
Why he probably wonât win: Constitutionally not eligible. And, he is dead.
Drinking Game:
If you did not know he was dead, knock back a shot of JW Red.
If you have a pic of him in your house or office, knock back 2.
If you have a pic of him in your wallet, youâve earned a pint of Everclear.
2. MIKE HUCKABEE
Why he could win: A guy everbody likes.
Why he probably wonât win: Recently declared he wonât run.
Drinking Game:
Technically, you donât have to play with him out of the race. But just in case, whenever he invokes the word of God and if you are a Baptist, have a chug of Wild Turkey.
3. DICK CHENEY
Why he could win: Has plans for mass torturing voters to vote for him.
Why he probably wonât win: Not enough time to implement mass torture plan.
Drinking Game: Anytime the MSM media does a Cheney story and accompany it with this picture, have a cool one.
4. MITCH DANIELS
Why he could win: Fiscal conservative who is a fiscal conservative.
Dropped âsocial issuesâ to focus on fiscal stuff âback home in Indiana.â
Why he probably wonât win: see above.
Drinking Game:
If you knew he was running, have a glass of milk.
If you did not know, have a glass of rum.
If you enjoy Jim Nabors singing âBack Home in Indianaâ, have milk and rum.
5. Head Start
Why they could win: Many states allow voters to switch parties or vote in another partyâs primary, and with Planned Parenthood as their running mate, so many Democrats who already know who their candidate is will totally do it. Acorn is managing the campaign assuring a massive black turnout, exceeding the number registered.
Why they probably wonât win: No LFBC that is real.
Drinking Game: If you believed any of this one, go on a bender.
If you hear anyone say seriously that Head Start works, laugh your ass off and have a Cutty Sark.
6. Michelle Bachman
Why She Could Win: Darling of the Tea Party will get massive support from them.
Why she probably wonât win: see above.
Drinking Game: If she gets nomination, go to where your county Democrats are having their watch party and get shit faced with them.
6. Sarah Palin
Why She Could Win: Darling of the Tea Party, reality TV star, daughter may be reality TV star, GILF. Best known candidate of â08 Election.
Why she probably wonât win: Polls show this part time Governor has almost no real support and, hell, why give up her $100K speaking gigs.
Drinking Game:
Knock back a beer if you know what a GILF is.
Knock back two if you can see Russia from where you are.
If you knew who her running mate was in â08, have a Bud Lite.
If you knew she was actually McCainâs running mate, have 2 Buds.
If you would vote for McCain again, seek professional help and have 3.
7. Mitt Romney
Why he could win: Front runner as of now; well financed; well organized; has experience; good looking dude.
Why he probably wonât win:
Recently got kiss of death from Obama: ââWe have said before that health care reform that then Governor Romney signed into law in Massachusetts is in many ways similar to the legislation that resulted in the Affordable Care Act,â White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said.
Admits to living in the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts and was Gov of it too.
Drinking Game:
CAUTION, only play if you have the desire and can afford a stint at the Betty Ford Clinic. Anytime someone takes a swipe at Mitt by saying Romneycare is similar to Obamacare, take a shot of Wild Turkey.
8. Tom Delay
I know he is not running but I have to get in the ham sandwich thing.
Reasons He Will Win: Iâm still working on that one.
Reasons He Wonât Won:
Recently convicted of violating some obscure Texas Campaign finance law and sentenced to 3 years.
Indicted by the Travis County District Attorney (this is where Austin is; a dot of blue in a sea of red), Originally indicted for being a ham sandwich ( An aphorism in criminal law states that "A good prosecutor could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich.), the charge was later changed to violating campaign finance laws nobody understands.
The jury who had no clue either, convicted him figuring since he was a Republican he must have broken some law.
Drinking Game:
If you remember him, have a Lone Star.
If you understand the law he broke, have a full case.
9. Tim Pawlenty
Reasons He Will Win: Good looking Governor with good ideas.
Reasons He Wonât Win: Nobody cares.
Drinking Game:
If you hear his name mis-pronounced, have a shot with a beer back.
10. Newt: sorry, Iâm still laughing.
11. Ryans and Pauls:
Who are these guys,
Reasons They Will Win: none.
Reasons They Wonât Win: Too many good ideas.
Drinking Game: If you can match the person to the idea, have a 25 Year Single Malt and a pizza delivered by Herman Cain.
Guys: Paul Ryan, Ron Paul; Rand Paul
Ideas: Destroy Medicare; legalize drugs; get out from under Dadâs shadow.
11. The Donald
Just drink.
12. Chris Christie:
Not running, but since he is my favorite, I listed him.
Reasons He Could Win: Kicked New Jerseyâs public unions ass, becoming the first Governor to do so since Wm. Livingston who was Gov while it was still a colony.
Reason He Wonât Win: He is my favorite and they rarely win.
Drinking Game: At the end of each day that passes and he has not announced, join me in having a beer.
Seneca
Why he could win: recent reports are he has God on his side, thereby boosting his chances. Easily the front runner.
Why he probably wonât win: Constitutionally not eligible. And, he is dead.
Drinking Game:
If you did not know he was dead, knock back a shot of JW Red.
If you have a pic of him in your house or office, knock back 2.
If you have a pic of him in your wallet, youâve earned a pint of Everclear.
2. MIKE HUCKABEE
Why he could win: A guy everbody likes.
Why he probably wonât win: Recently declared he wonât run.
Drinking Game:
Technically, you donât have to play with him out of the race. But just in case, whenever he invokes the word of God and if you are a Baptist, have a chug of Wild Turkey.
3. DICK CHENEY
Why he could win: Has plans for mass torturing voters to vote for him.
Why he probably wonât win: Not enough time to implement mass torture plan.
Drinking Game: Anytime the MSM media does a Cheney story and accompany it with this picture, have a cool one.
4. MITCH DANIELS
Why he could win: Fiscal conservative who is a fiscal conservative.
Dropped âsocial issuesâ to focus on fiscal stuff âback home in Indiana.â
Why he probably wonât win: see above.
Drinking Game:
If you knew he was running, have a glass of milk.
If you did not know, have a glass of rum.
If you enjoy Jim Nabors singing âBack Home in Indianaâ, have milk and rum.
5. Head Start
Why they could win: Many states allow voters to switch parties or vote in another partyâs primary, and with Planned Parenthood as their running mate, so many Democrats who already know who their candidate is will totally do it. Acorn is managing the campaign assuring a massive black turnout, exceeding the number registered.
Why they probably wonât win: No LFBC that is real.
Drinking Game: If you believed any of this one, go on a bender.
If you hear anyone say seriously that Head Start works, laugh your ass off and have a Cutty Sark.
6. Michelle Bachman
Why She Could Win: Darling of the Tea Party will get massive support from them.
Why she probably wonât win: see above.
Drinking Game: If she gets nomination, go to where your county Democrats are having their watch party and get shit faced with them.
6. Sarah Palin
Why She Could Win: Darling of the Tea Party, reality TV star, daughter may be reality TV star, GILF. Best known candidate of â08 Election.
Why she probably wonât win: Polls show this part time Governor has almost no real support and, hell, why give up her $100K speaking gigs.
Drinking Game:
Knock back a beer if you know what a GILF is.
Knock back two if you can see Russia from where you are.
If you knew who her running mate was in â08, have a Bud Lite.
If you knew she was actually McCainâs running mate, have 2 Buds.
If you would vote for McCain again, seek professional help and have 3.
7. Mitt Romney
Why he could win: Front runner as of now; well financed; well organized; has experience; good looking dude.
Why he probably wonât win:
Recently got kiss of death from Obama: ââWe have said before that health care reform that then Governor Romney signed into law in Massachusetts is in many ways similar to the legislation that resulted in the Affordable Care Act,â White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said.
Admits to living in the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts and was Gov of it too.
Drinking Game:
CAUTION, only play if you have the desire and can afford a stint at the Betty Ford Clinic. Anytime someone takes a swipe at Mitt by saying Romneycare is similar to Obamacare, take a shot of Wild Turkey.
8. Tom Delay
I know he is not running but I have to get in the ham sandwich thing.
Reasons He Will Win: Iâm still working on that one.
Reasons He Wonât Won:
Recently convicted of violating some obscure Texas Campaign finance law and sentenced to 3 years.
Indicted by the Travis County District Attorney (this is where Austin is; a dot of blue in a sea of red), Originally indicted for being a ham sandwich ( An aphorism in criminal law states that "A good prosecutor could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich.), the charge was later changed to violating campaign finance laws nobody understands.
The jury who had no clue either, convicted him figuring since he was a Republican he must have broken some law.
Drinking Game:
If you remember him, have a Lone Star.
If you understand the law he broke, have a full case.
9. Tim Pawlenty
Reasons He Will Win: Good looking Governor with good ideas.
Reasons He Wonât Win: Nobody cares.
Drinking Game:
If you hear his name mis-pronounced, have a shot with a beer back.
10. Newt: sorry, Iâm still laughing.
11. Ryans and Pauls:
Who are these guys,
Reasons They Will Win: none.
Reasons They Wonât Win: Too many good ideas.
Drinking Game: If you can match the person to the idea, have a 25 Year Single Malt and a pizza delivered by Herman Cain.
Guys: Paul Ryan, Ron Paul; Rand Paul
Ideas: Destroy Medicare; legalize drugs; get out from under Dadâs shadow.
11. The Donald
Just drink.
12. Chris Christie:
Not running, but since he is my favorite, I listed him.
Reasons He Could Win: Kicked New Jerseyâs public unions ass, becoming the first Governor to do so since Wm. Livingston who was Gov while it was still a colony.
Reason He Wonât Win: He is my favorite and they rarely win.
Drinking Game: At the end of each day that passes and he has not announced, join me in having a beer.
Seneca
