You open an account at Refco and youâre ready to trade.
You go to your trading room and sit down.
A huge Silverback guerrilla with a nametag reading Ref sits down across the table, greets you, opens up his laptop and smiles.
Puzzled but undaunted, you start your analysis. After a couple of hours you see an opportunity. The Macd has just crossed the Bi-polar Foozle Wigit and it was a full moon last night. Not only that but your wifeâs chicken bones said today was going be a day to remember.
âIâd like to short 5 lots of Eur/$ at 1.2045 with a stop at 1.2065â you say.
Ref looks at his screen, leans over glances at yours then checks his Reuters and a few seconds later says
âThatâll be 5 lots at 1.2040 and a stop at 1.2065â
The Guerrilla starts pounding away at his keyboard.
Almost immediately the price shoots up to 1.2055
âIts Okâ you think, just noise.
Next few seconds the market spikes, hits your stop and reveres 1.2055, .2050, .2045 and keeps going. Had you not been stopped out, youâd have made a few bucks.
You shake the dust off, putting it behind you and wait. Emotional discipline and all that sort of thing. An hour or so later your indicators give another signal.
âIâd like to go long 5 eur/$ at 1.2025. (No stop this time; youâve learned your lesson)
âNo stop this time?â Asks Ref grinning.
He looks at his screen then leans over and has a look at yours. Checks his Reuters, takes a sip of coffee, takes a bite of his donut and finally says, âThatâs 5 long at 1.2030?, no sorry the market has moved so I canât fill your orderâ
âOK 5 long at 1.2031â you say
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2032â
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2033â
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2034â
âDone!!!â
Then Guerrilla starts pounding furiously away at his keyboard.
The market stalls, tics up a few pips and then promptly reverses and comes down hitting 1.2015
The Guerrilla looks at you and raises and eyebrow.
Your eyes are starting to burn because you havenât blinked in a while. Youâre starting to sweet and can feel it running down your bow . You should probably get out but instead you persuade yourself that there is strong support at 1.2010.
You hang in there like the trooper that you are.
Ref looks at you, then at his screen and pulls up your account checking the balance and smiling again.
âWhat the hells that idiot grinning at?â you wonder.
Markets at 1.2010
Much to your surprise the Guerrilla reaches over, unzips your trousers shoves his massive fist in and grabs your testicles.
Horrified, you struggle
He Squeezes.
The markets at 1.2005
âSay Uncle!â he says
Youâre in agony, the room is spinning. He squeezes harder.
1.2004
âSay Uncle!!â he yells
âBut there was support at .2010!!!â you scream with tears running down your cheeks.
1.2001
âSAAY UNNCLLEâ squeezing ever harder.
The capillaries in your eyes are now bursting. Though youâre pretty sure youâve just soiled your trousers, you know that there is support at 1.2000 , I mean there has to be doesnât there?
1.1998
âSAAY UNNCLLE!!!!!!!!â squeezing, if it were possible, even harder.
1.1997
Your knuckles are bone white and youâve clawed your way through the leather armrests off your chair.
âUNCLE, UNCLE, UNCLE, FOR HEAVENS SAKES UNCLE!!!!!â you shriek.
The pain subsides and the world comes back into focus. Sobbing, you desperately try and compose yourself.
âI, I, Iâ¦.â You want to say something, ANYTHING that will restore to you even an ounce of dignity. Alas there are no words.
Ref knows and you know. Neither of you will speak of it again.
Ref peals his banana, gives you a grin and starts to eat it.
âYou are a valued customerâ he says.
A few days, a dozen shots of vodka and seven ice packs later, you have an earth shattering idea. Iâll go where the game is fair! â¦â¦..Oanda!!!!
You open an account, walk into your trading room and there sitting at the table is another Silverback Guerrilla.
He looks up smiling and says âHi there, please do me a favour and hang your trousers up behind the doorâ
You go to your trading room and sit down.
A huge Silverback guerrilla with a nametag reading Ref sits down across the table, greets you, opens up his laptop and smiles.
Puzzled but undaunted, you start your analysis. After a couple of hours you see an opportunity. The Macd has just crossed the Bi-polar Foozle Wigit and it was a full moon last night. Not only that but your wifeâs chicken bones said today was going be a day to remember.
âIâd like to short 5 lots of Eur/$ at 1.2045 with a stop at 1.2065â you say.
Ref looks at his screen, leans over glances at yours then checks his Reuters and a few seconds later says
âThatâll be 5 lots at 1.2040 and a stop at 1.2065â
The Guerrilla starts pounding away at his keyboard.
Almost immediately the price shoots up to 1.2055
âIts Okâ you think, just noise.
Next few seconds the market spikes, hits your stop and reveres 1.2055, .2050, .2045 and keeps going. Had you not been stopped out, youâd have made a few bucks.
You shake the dust off, putting it behind you and wait. Emotional discipline and all that sort of thing. An hour or so later your indicators give another signal.
âIâd like to go long 5 eur/$ at 1.2025. (No stop this time; youâve learned your lesson)
âNo stop this time?â Asks Ref grinning.
He looks at his screen then leans over and has a look at yours. Checks his Reuters, takes a sip of coffee, takes a bite of his donut and finally says, âThatâs 5 long at 1.2030?, no sorry the market has moved so I canât fill your orderâ
âOK 5 long at 1.2031â you say
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2032â
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2033â
âSorry the market has movedâ
â1.2034â
âDone!!!â
Then Guerrilla starts pounding furiously away at his keyboard.
The market stalls, tics up a few pips and then promptly reverses and comes down hitting 1.2015
The Guerrilla looks at you and raises and eyebrow.
Your eyes are starting to burn because you havenât blinked in a while. Youâre starting to sweet and can feel it running down your bow . You should probably get out but instead you persuade yourself that there is strong support at 1.2010.
You hang in there like the trooper that you are.
Ref looks at you, then at his screen and pulls up your account checking the balance and smiling again.
âWhat the hells that idiot grinning at?â you wonder.
Markets at 1.2010
Much to your surprise the Guerrilla reaches over, unzips your trousers shoves his massive fist in and grabs your testicles.
Horrified, you struggle
He Squeezes.
The markets at 1.2005
âSay Uncle!â he says
Youâre in agony, the room is spinning. He squeezes harder.
1.2004
âSay Uncle!!â he yells
âBut there was support at .2010!!!â you scream with tears running down your cheeks.
1.2001
âSAAY UNNCLLEâ squeezing ever harder.
The capillaries in your eyes are now bursting. Though youâre pretty sure youâve just soiled your trousers, you know that there is support at 1.2000 , I mean there has to be doesnât there?
1.1998
âSAAY UNNCLLE!!!!!!!!â squeezing, if it were possible, even harder.
1.1997
Your knuckles are bone white and youâve clawed your way through the leather armrests off your chair.
âUNCLE, UNCLE, UNCLE, FOR HEAVENS SAKES UNCLE!!!!!â you shriek.
The pain subsides and the world comes back into focus. Sobbing, you desperately try and compose yourself.
âI, I, Iâ¦.â You want to say something, ANYTHING that will restore to you even an ounce of dignity. Alas there are no words.
Ref knows and you know. Neither of you will speak of it again.
Ref peals his banana, gives you a grin and starts to eat it.
âYou are a valued customerâ he says.
A few days, a dozen shots of vodka and seven ice packs later, you have an earth shattering idea. Iâll go where the game is fair! â¦â¦..Oanda!!!!
You open an account, walk into your trading room and there sitting at the table is another Silverback Guerrilla.
He looks up smiling and says âHi there, please do me a favour and hang your trousers up behind the doorâ