Wow, you have not even convinced yourself there.
Really though, are you getting enough nutrition in your food? I'm sure we can get you some money to buy better food, it would be interesting to see if you get more rational.
Can you describe your daily diet? Maybe we could pass a donation via the site admins?
Do you know you are "projecting"? I know the food in Colombia is terrible so maybe you can get some sent there from the US?