Some friends of mine had been talking up this guy they thought would be perfect for me, so I finally went on a blind date with him. It turns out heâs black, and while I am NOT racist and have no problem with interracial dating in general, itâs not for me. I just prefer to date white guys.
I told my friends why I wouldnât be seeing him again, and they were, shockingly, horrified. Did I miss something here? I know interracial dating is more prevalent now than it used to be, but I didnât realize it was SO common that you get in trouble if you donât want to do it. I figured if Iâm the one who needs a kick in the pants, youâre the perfect person to give it to me. But Iâm hoping youâll tell me Iâm right, that no one should have to date anyone they donât want to.
Sacramento
Carolyn Hax replies:
Youâre right â no one should have to date anyone s/he doesnât want to.
And your friends are right, too â they shouldnât have to pretend theyâre not horrified by something they find morally repugnant.
And youâre right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person.
Your decision not to date this man wasnât about his character or lack thereof, it wasnât about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasnât about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasnât about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasnât about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasnât about shared history or lack thereof, it wasnât about his goals or lack thereof, it wasnât about his compatibility or lack thereof.
To your credit, youâre owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didnât find him attractive, and this conversation doesnât happen.
However: Weâre having this conversation because you didnât find his race attractive. Thatâs what racism is.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/27/AR2009082704443.html
I told my friends why I wouldnât be seeing him again, and they were, shockingly, horrified. Did I miss something here? I know interracial dating is more prevalent now than it used to be, but I didnât realize it was SO common that you get in trouble if you donât want to do it. I figured if Iâm the one who needs a kick in the pants, youâre the perfect person to give it to me. But Iâm hoping youâll tell me Iâm right, that no one should have to date anyone they donât want to.
Sacramento
Carolyn Hax replies:
Youâre right â no one should have to date anyone s/he doesnât want to.
And your friends are right, too â they shouldnât have to pretend theyâre not horrified by something they find morally repugnant.
And youâre right, interracial dating is more prevalent now, but its prevalence here is the cart; the issue here is the horse.
More people date interracially because more people realize that the only alternative to being racist is to judge each person as a person.
Your decision not to date this man wasnât about his character or lack thereof, it wasnât about his sex appeal or lack thereof, it wasnât about his intellect or lack thereof, it wasnât about his sense of humor or lack thereof, it wasnât about his work ethic or lack thereof, it wasnât about shared history or lack thereof, it wasnât about his goals or lack thereof, it wasnât about his compatibility or lack thereof.
To your credit, youâre owning your opinion; all you had to say was that you didnât find him attractive, and this conversation doesnât happen.
However: Weâre having this conversation because you didnât find his race attractive. Thatâs what racism is.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/08/27/AR2009082704443.html
