Quote from 377OHMS:
Sammy I've got pets that are more rational than you. I own a piece of farm equipment that has stronger reasoning than you. My neighbors have small children that could likely outscore you in reading, writing and arithmetic.
You aren't kidding anyone. You lack horsepower upstairs my little arab street urchin friend.
You should climb out of that cab occasionally and go to the self-improvement section in Barnes&Nobel and pick yourself out a book, something like "How I renounced Islam and became a Human Being" or "10 Easy Steps to Personal Hygiene".
And maybe give some thought to picking up a toothbrush for God's sake.
Oh I am sorry but before I answer you, I would like to kindly ask you to fill in this short form. Due to the fact that you will not be able to do so on your own, I suggest you reach out to the six grader kid in the next town over, who happened to be the only educated, mullet-less, boy in a 23 miles radius.
Name:_____________________________
Nickname:________________________________
CB Handle:______________________________
Address (RFD No.)_____________--_________________________
Daddy (if unknown, list 3 suspects):____________________________________
Mamma:___________________________________
Neck Shade:_________Light Red _________Medium Red __________Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_______ Lower________
Name of Pickup owned:________________________
Height of Truck________________
Truck equipped with:
Gun Rack ______4-Wheel Drive ______Confederate Flag _______
Cassette Deck ______Load of Wood ______Hijacker Shocks _______Radar Detector ______
Mag Wheels ______Dual CB Antennas _______Spittoon ______Camper Top ______
Air Horns _______Mud Flaps ______Toothpick Holder ______Mug-Grip Tires _______
Racoon Hide ______Big Dog
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup:_________
BUMPER STICKERS:
Eat More Possum _____My other car is a piece of shit too _____Honk if you're horny _____
If you ain't a cowboy you ain't shit _____Redman Chewing Tobacco _____Wave if you're horny ___
Favorite Recreation
Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin' ____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin'____
4-Wheelin' ____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin' ____Honky Tonkin' ____
Noodlin' ____Other
Name of son(s)/ not your sister's kids:
Bubba _______Jim Bob _______LeeRoy ______J.D.
Name of Daughter(s)/ not your sister's kids:
PammySue ______Violet ______Paulette _____Daisy
Weapons owned:
_____Deer Rifle _____Sawed-off Shotgun _____Varmit Rifle _____Log Cabin _____Tire Iron _____Power Chain Saw _____Pick Handle _____Hick'ry Switch
Number of Dogs: _____
Type:_____Blue Tick ______Black & Tan _______Beagle _______Bird Dawg >
Cap Emblem: _____John Deer _____McCullock Chain Saws _____Budweiser _____Vo-Tech _____Skoal _____Coors _____NAPA _____Smile If You're Not Wearing Underwear
Number of Dependants:
_______Legal _______Claimed
Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________
Number of Welfare Checks Received:_________
Memberships:
KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA ___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion ___ United Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy ___John Birch Society
Length of Right Leg:__________
Length of Left Leg:___________
Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red?Yes ___No___
How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?__________
How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________
Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?________
Do you own any shoes? _____Yes _____No If yes, how many?_________
What year did you last purchase shoes (please put N/A if more than 10)?_________
Are you married to any of the following: _______Sister _______Cousin ________Sow
Do you know her name? _____________
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?_________
Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time? (DOUBT IT BUT WHAT THE FUCK)___________
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?__________
If so, why?_______________________________________________________________
Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on? (DOUBT IT BUT WHAT THE FUCK) ___________________ To 21 with your fly up?
Never mind this one_________________
Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?
Never mind this one either______________
Have you ever had more than one bath in a year?_______________
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
BO ____Crabs ____Head Lice _____Rabies ____Trench Mouth _____Runny Nose _____Bad Breath ____Chafing
Good Luck HOMO!