Hey, don't you mean mythical THOR-keeper?
More seriously, though - store of value IS a use. And gold stores value far better than fiat. If you read Aristotle's definition of money, it applies to gold, but not to food. In other words, yes, you can eat eggs, but you can't spend them for things - and both functions have utility to humans.
It's deceptive to say that only things that you can eat or live in have value. It's also arbitrary to remove all value from anything that is not directly life-sustaining, not to mention ridiculous. Gold's value may be somewhat arbitrary, but the fact that it has value is based on fulfilling the criteria of money, most especially limited supply and stable store of value - a function that almost nothing else can provide.