This journal is being started because I am fed up with the way I trade.
I don't follow my rules. I randomly take trades based on what I think rather than my rules.
I wrote up a long paper last night plainly outlining my trade set ups and committing to only taking those trades and I just didn't do that today. It's not like it's just one day. I haven't been following my rules for a while now, which is why I wrote up the paper last night.
I was very discouraged after trading today thinking I can't trade. But when I studied my trades, I found that the trades that followed my set ups worked great, or I got out with a small loss because I was afraid to stay in the trade, but I would have had a great day had I just done what I was planning to do.
It's like I'm a different person when I'm trading, yet I tell myself that I'm making great decisions, when I'm not. I can clearly see afterwards that I'm not.
This journal isn't meant to be followed. I don't think I'll write out anything about how I feel in here. I just need some accountability and thought I'd try journaling again.
There won't be any charts in this thread and I probably won't share exactly how I'm doing. I will only share if I did what I meant to do or if I was making random decisions.
I might as well say this, to make it stick in my mind: I shorted ALL day today, even though I saw it could go up higher, because I thought, in the present moment, price was likely to go down. I have rules for counter trend trading and most of those entries did NOT follow those rules. Why did I place the trades? I told myself I wouldn't take any trades except my setups, but I didn't take my set ups when they came and I did what I knew I shouldn't. If I make it as a trader, it won't be because I have any natural ability to read price. The trades that were right followed indicators and rules. It's not like I didn't know I wasn't following my rules for the other trades. That's the part that scares me. I knew it and I still took trades that were contrary to my plan.
One more thing. My best trade of the day was my last one, when I was completely frustrated and knew I had to stick to rules and I did and thankfully that one worked. I don't know why trading today was so mentally difficult that I had to come to such an emotional state in order to make myself follow rules.
When will I ever learn? Reminds me of the phrase "When will they ever learn?" from the song, "Where have all the Flowers Gone?" I know it's an old song....it's one of my mom's favorites, but that describes me--never learning. Maybe I should keep that song playing in the background when I trade so that I remember that I have not been learning what I've needed to learn for a very long time now!
Every traders experienced that kind of feeling and those "stupid" losing days. However, that is the only way the market teach you discipline and the importance of your trading plan. Don't worry to fail and lose money. Instead, lose money until you find and overcome all your faults. In fact, by waiting the setups your plan says, only this can save you losing lots of money. Don't worry to lose money. But learn something from those failures. And let your "trading brain" work properly, train it. I think you are on the right path.
