This will never happen again....
- Thread starter ZZZzzzzzzz
- Start date
FredBloggs
Guest
Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Three guys go into a bar: a guy from Dallas, a guy from San Francisco, and a guy from Boulder. They drank and got a little rowdy. Suddenly, completely without warning, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, unscrewed the top, took a good swig, and threw the bottle into the air. He then jerked a Colt .45 pistol out of his pocket and shot the bottle, spraying tequila all over everything and everybody.
The patrons at the bar shouted, "Hey, bud, why'd you waste that tequila?"
The Texan said, "Heck, it's just tequila. Us Texans go across the border all the time and get all the tequila we want."
Not to be outdone, the Californian whipped out a corkscrew and uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured some into a glass, swirled it, sniffed, commented on the tart insolence of its bouquet, sipped, tossed the bottle in the air, nicked it with a round from a silly little chrome-plated pistol, and showered a couple of patrons at the bar with wine.
The patrons, upset by the casual waste and general lack of concern for their safety, expressed their displeasure and astonishment, to which the Californian replied, "Well, I'm from Napa Valley, and we have more than enough wine where I come from."
The Boulderite, a quiet observer up to this point, touched the crystal hanging from his neck, adjusted his Birkenstocks, flipped back his ponytail, put down his guitar, and borrowed a bottle opener from the bartender. He popped the top off a bottle of Fat Tire beer, hammered it back, threw the empty bottle into the air, pulled a 9mm Beretta, took careful aim, shot both the Californian and the Texan, and caught the falling bottle.
The patrons screamed in utter disbelief, "Why'd you do that?"
The Boulderite replied, "I'm from Colorado. We've already got too many Texans and way too many Californians, but glass bottles, now those can be recycled!"
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.
Three guys go into a bar: a guy from Dallas, a guy from San Francisco, and a guy from Boulder. They drank and got a little rowdy. Suddenly, completely without warning, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, unscrewed the top, took a good swig, and threw the bottle into the air. He then jerked a Colt .45 pistol out of his pocket and shot the bottle, spraying tequila all over everything and everybody.
The patrons at the bar shouted, "Hey, bud, why'd you waste that tequila?"
The Texan said, "Heck, it's just tequila. Us Texans go across the border all the time and get all the tequila we want."
Not to be outdone, the Californian whipped out a corkscrew and uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured some into a glass, swirled it, sniffed, commented on the tart insolence of its bouquet, sipped, tossed the bottle in the air, nicked it with a round from a silly little chrome-plated pistol, and showered a couple of patrons at the bar with wine.
The patrons, upset by the casual waste and general lack of concern for their safety, expressed their displeasure and astonishment, to which the Californian replied, "Well, I'm from Napa Valley, and we have more than enough wine where I come from."
The Boulderite, a quiet observer up to this point, touched the crystal hanging from his neck, adjusted his Birkenstocks, flipped back his ponytail, put down his guitar, and borrowed a bottle opener from the bartender. He popped the top off a bottle of Fat Tire beer, hammered it back, threw the empty bottle into the air, pulled a 9mm Beretta, took careful aim, shot both the Californian and the Texan, and caught the falling bottle.
The patrons screamed in utter disbelief, "Why'd you do that?"
The Boulderite replied, "I'm from Colorado. We've already got too many Texans and way too many Californians, but glass bottles, now those can be recycled!"
FredBloggs
Guest
How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to
comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local
person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards
in case the pictures don't come out.
An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends.
"Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the
policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians."
The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, "I can't say about the police and the trains, but you're probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French - and the customers are all Americans."
A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".
"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.
"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"
"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."
The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"
"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.
The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?" The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to
comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local
person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards
in case the pictures don't come out.
An American was telling one of his favorite jokes to a group of friends.
"Hell is a place where the cooks are British, the waiters are French, the
policemen are Germans, and the trains are run by Italians."
The lone European in the group pondered all this for a second and responded, "I can't say about the police and the trains, but you're probably right about going out to eat. A restaurant in Hell would be one where the cooks are British and the waiters are French - and the customers are all Americans."
A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".
"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.
"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"
"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."
The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"
"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.
The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?" The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'
Dont know whats worse, youre jokes, or that you actually took the time to type them out.
I guess brits are not known for their humor, cept of course Benny hill and Monty Python
Actually these are worse