Thinking too much while the computer trades

Quote from NoDoji:

The title of this thread leapt out at me and I'm now filled with raw fear. Our ATS in its latest beta iteration had 5 profitable days last week in sim. This means live launch this week.

What if it turns out to be twice the trader I am and I'm doomed to sit around all day having thought loops while it trades? What if they're negative thought loops? Or crazy thought loops (Froot Loops). What if my boredom lulls me to sleep and I dream that dream again where I'm back in high school and it's already a month into the semester and I realize I have no class schedule and no idea where to go because I HAVEN"T EVEN ATTENDED CLASS YET, how could I let that happen (???) and I go to the office and no one can provide me with a schedule and it's getting later, the bell's already rung 20 minutes ago, and---

You know, my biggest trading problem is thinking too much.
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I want to escape my own mind, but somehow switching modes and channeling it into productivity doesn't happen because the occasional thought-loop of reliving past embarrassments just paralyzes me. I just end up so ashamed of myself, for no reason. Sometimes I feel like the past is threatening me, even when there is no concrete evidence for believing that.

If I were religious, I'd be trying to "get right with God" right now. But no religion has really answered questions adequately enough for me, so I find myself in a personal hell. I am honestly and sincerely thinking about doing charity work and volunteer work once or twice a week to make up for short-comings. I think my idle time in front of the trading screen has been turning into just deep, brutal introspection.

Oddly enough, the trading performance is fine.
 
Quote from directionless:

May seem like a silly post, but when the computer is doing all the work and I am not busy doing something else, my mind races and sometimes I get locked in negative, looped thinking where I think about past traumas or disastrous situations.

Is this just me? Over-active guilt centers? Like I'll obsess over very embarrassing situations that happened even 20 years ago that others may have even long since forgotten. I noticed that if I drink 1 cup of coffee, I'm ok. If I drink 2 or more, I am more prone to thinking-loops. I wouldn't say it affects me to the point of total dysfunction, but I do think it is a productivity dampener. Just curious whether I should seek treatment, or if this just normal.

I guess it's like that recurring dream where, even though I've gone through graduate school, at night I have the dream that I'm failing high school or forgot to satisfy one credit. It torments me through sleep, but somehow I get through the day anyway. But, at the same time, wish I never had the dream recurring. And even in the dream, I realize I've gone to college but have somehow failed high school. I can't explain it, other than to say these "nags" may be psychological glitches.

I'm not sure what to make of it, but am not sure what the criteria should be for whether or not to go see some kind of doctor.
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Be really careful if you do see a doctor because a mis-diagnosis and drug prescription can take you down a rabbit hole you can't come back from. The symptoms you described do sound like panic-attack symptoms. You can probably beat it by drinking V8 juice (or fresh veggies) instead of coffee and trying to get an extra hour of sleep each night. If you like the taste of coffee, switch to decaf after your first cup. Also if you are using substances, detox for a month and I bet your symptoms recede noticeably. Another thing you can try is cardio exercise. Good luck.
 
Quote from directionless:

I am honestly and sincerely thinking about doing charity work and volunteer work once or twice a week to make up for short-comings. I think my idle time in front of the trading screen has been turning into just deep, brutal introspection.
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I think this is a great idea! My last post was silly, but seriously, this is a very good idea and is, in and of itself, a sort of "religion".
 
Quote from directionless:

...I have the dream that I'm failing high school or forgot to satisfy one credit.
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I use to have the same exact dream...all of a sudden I do not have enough credits to graduate high school. I don't dream about it anymore, though. Or maybe I do and I just don't know it because I don't remember most of my dreams anymore.

The dream I used to have...well, I dreamt about it a couple of times... that was worse than that one was that I dreamt that I had a baby...and then all of a sudden I would realize it had been several days and I'd forgotten to feed the baby. It was awful!

Makes me kind of glad I don't remember my dreams anymore.
 
Quote from directionless:

May seem like a silly post, but when the computer is doing all the work and I am not busy doing something else, my mind races and sometimes I get locked in negative, looped thinking where I think about past traumas or disastrous situations.

Is this just me? Over-active guilt centers? ....

I'm not sure what to make of it, but am not sure what the criteria should be for whether or not to go see some kind of doctor.
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I think it's just something that happens to people when they suddenly find themselves with a little more time on their hands. It seems your mind is always having to think about something, so if you don't fill it with good thoughts, the bad ones creep in.
 
I just keep busy with other things.... Went back to school to learn programming on a part time basis.....thinking it will help me to be less dependant.

After that I am planning to take some lessons to be a skipper....

I went back to the gym on daily basis. Something I have not done for years.

I keep developing and testing new ideas... etc....
 
Quote from Duref Mudgins:

When you truly know yourself, you truly know every other trader. Because you are all alike.
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I truly know every 20th trader.

(Uh oh, the mean people are getting to me again...) :D
 
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