I've been able to work through an answer to my question. So I'm thinking about vega now as basically deltas. If you look at the /ES and /VX futures, a 20 point SPY move is roughly equivalent to a 1 point move in the Vix. So if my portfolio has -10000 vegas, another way to think of it is being long 5000 deltas.
I don't know if I agree with your statement on hedging vega risk. I can structure a synthetic long in Vix to get long vegas. I could also overlay a bunch of SPX calendars. If I wanted to get short vega, I can sell premium. So at the portfolio level, you can definitely impact vega within a range.
So, at least going forward, here is my process: get my theta number where I want. Next, get my theta/vega ratio where I want it. Then convert vegas over to deltas assuming that -2 vegas = +1 delta (all weighted towards the spoos) to get my "vega adjusted" delta number. Finally, hedge total deltas to wherever you want to hedge it.
My only question now is where to hedge overall "vega adjusted" deltas to. Being truly delta neutral is going to be too much of a drag on my portfolio. My gut tells me to pick a delta range based on the total net liquidating value of the portfolio and hedge to within that range.
So what does my ending portfolio look like? Long theta, short vega and short delta.
Vega is correlated with spot price. However, "hedging" that creates basis risk.
In your examples:
1. buying VIX means you will take the view that the roll down in VIX futures will be < your theta/gamma profit. You are betting that if there is a big move in realized vol, your VIX will rally to account for it (this didn't ultimately happen this month).
2. Trading calendars, will create a forward vol position. If views on that forward vol changes, you will make/lose.
3. The delta - vega hedge can work, but needless to say, you can lose when the relationship breaksdown and it does fairly often.
In anyway you can lose in options, you can also earn. So you should recognize the basis risk you are adding by hedging out your nominal vega risk. That was the point of my initial post. And in volatility trading, basis risk generally means you have to trade bigger to achieve the same returns and you have to be more precise in your view and understanding of those risks.

