The System Explained
- Thread starter wildchild
- Start date
it never ceases to amaze me how many people still take the republican or democrat party seriously (but maybe that is because I think I am average and most people are just like me.)
Paul Ryan's decree ,
Paul Ryan, the ostensibly well-respected GOP House speaker and former veep candidate, has decreed that in the event of an “open” convention, only people who have “run” nationally should be considered as alternatives to front-runners Trump and Ted Cruz (R-Texas).
That leaves a whole service bay’s worth of retreads stacked to the ceiling and waiting to be slapped onto the GOP jalopy. Having previously dismissed all of these people as losers or worse, fratricidal Republicans may have to turn to one of them in the end. Or so Paul Ryan says, and who are we to disagree?
There is only one bald tire that is simply too shot to consider, and you know who that is.
Sarah Palin can’t be patched.
But here’s the rest of the undead:
RANK CANDIDATE
1 DICK CHENEY
He once formed a presidential exploratory committee; later opted to “explore” Iraq instead of America. But maybe only the angry dreadnought Grandfather could tame the party.
2 JOHN MCCAIN
No telling if the GOP base cottons to another McCain run, but you can bet the Arizona senator wants a do-over on that whole “Sarah Palin will be a game-changer” thing.
3 MITT ROMNEY
Hair still good and in place. Looked good in Netflix flick. In 2012, everyone lamented that he wasn’t a better candidate. In 2016, the supposedly better candidates ran and got waxed. So there would be some poetic justice. Who would you rather give the nuclear codes to: A late-night malevolent Tweeter or an oblivious, milk-quaffing, Mormon?
4 LINDSEY GRAHAM
Could appeal to Democrats and independents (provided they are way way into bombing people) because he clearly hates what his own party has become.
5 JEB BUSH
We hope that Jeb does not read this. We do not want to give him hope. However, what is the point of the Bush family if they can’t manipulate the end game in Skull & Bones fashion? It is their move.
6 MARCO RUBIO
He is the 2016 equivalent of the Black Knight in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” He was chopped to pieces, but it was all a “mere flesh wound.”
7 BEN CARSON
On one hand, he'll be fresh and full of enthusiasm because, as The Onion points out, he doesn't remember running. On the other hand, someone will have to wake him up for the convention.
8 RON PAUL
We just want to see the Ron Paul blimp in Cleveland. And we love the idea of annoying Rand.
9 CHRIS CHRISTIE
In a world where the GOP has to hold together the Trump and Cruz factions, while jettisoning Trump and Cruz he might be the only man who could do it. Maybe that's what he's been doing all this while, standing behind Trump -- stewing, plotting, waiting. Soon.
10 RICK PERRY
THIS WAS THE PLAN FROM THE BEGINNING! THE GUY IS A MASTERMIND!
11 SCOTT WALKER
Walker’s biggest problem -- his campaign manager -- is Trump’s problem now. Unburdened, now it's his chance to strike!
12 JOHN KASICH
This is his dream, folks. Delegates fall out, elites try to thwart Trump and Cruz. Someone needs to step up and govern the process, dammit! And into the arena in his home state of Ohio, with an “aw shucks” and a bright smile, walks John Kasich, savior.
Paul Ryan, the ostensibly well-respected GOP House speaker and former veep candidate, has decreed that in the event of an “open” convention, only people who have “run” nationally should be considered as alternatives to front-runners Trump and Ted Cruz (R-Texas).
That leaves a whole service bay’s worth of retreads stacked to the ceiling and waiting to be slapped onto the GOP jalopy. Having previously dismissed all of these people as losers or worse, fratricidal Republicans may have to turn to one of them in the end. Or so Paul Ryan says, and who are we to disagree?
There is only one bald tire that is simply too shot to consider, and you know who that is.
Sarah Palin can’t be patched.
But here’s the rest of the undead:
RANK CANDIDATE
He once formed a presidential exploratory committee; later opted to “explore” Iraq instead of America. But maybe only the angry dreadnought Grandfather could tame the party.
No telling if the GOP base cottons to another McCain run, but you can bet the Arizona senator wants a do-over on that whole “Sarah Palin will be a game-changer” thing.
Hair still good and in place. Looked good in Netflix flick. In 2012, everyone lamented that he wasn’t a better candidate. In 2016, the supposedly better candidates ran and got waxed. So there would be some poetic justice. Who would you rather give the nuclear codes to: A late-night malevolent Tweeter or an oblivious, milk-quaffing, Mormon?
Could appeal to Democrats and independents (provided they are way way into bombing people) because he clearly hates what his own party has become.
We hope that Jeb does not read this. We do not want to give him hope. However, what is the point of the Bush family if they can’t manipulate the end game in Skull & Bones fashion? It is their move.
He is the 2016 equivalent of the Black Knight in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” He was chopped to pieces, but it was all a “mere flesh wound.”
On one hand, he'll be fresh and full of enthusiasm because, as The Onion points out, he doesn't remember running. On the other hand, someone will have to wake him up for the convention.
We just want to see the Ron Paul blimp in Cleveland. And we love the idea of annoying Rand.
In a world where the GOP has to hold together the Trump and Cruz factions, while jettisoning Trump and Cruz he might be the only man who could do it. Maybe that's what he's been doing all this while, standing behind Trump -- stewing, plotting, waiting. Soon.
THIS WAS THE PLAN FROM THE BEGINNING! THE GUY IS A MASTERMIND!
Walker’s biggest problem -- his campaign manager -- is Trump’s problem now. Unburdened, now it's his chance to strike!
This is his dream, folks. Delegates fall out, elites try to thwart Trump and Cruz. Someone needs to step up and govern the process, dammit! And into the arena in his home state of Ohio, with an “aw shucks” and a bright smile, walks John Kasich, savior.