I am very surprised you did not see the funnest joke in a while you could have posted...
"Once you apply Sturgeon's Law - "90% of everything is CARP""
AHHAHAHA! Oh man, and you've lived on the ocean! Psshaaaw!
Carp.
Ocean.
Carp.
OCEAN.
There's a reason that I didn't think of it.

Be happy, and sleep well.