The loneliness of success
- Thread starter Smart Money
- Start date
Like others have said. Get outside, get active. Train for a 5k or 10k, do small chairty. Dont go all out the charity route, because beleive me, you will get bored with it and there are literally hundreds of organizations you can help every weekend.
Also, drop the guilt and the modesty. Do you see a doctor or successful businessman feeling guilty of thier successes. NO, you dont, becuase everyone knows it wasnt created in a year.
You put in the hard work, you put in the losses, you put in the years of dilligence. Why cheapen the profession and yourself by being ashamed of your success.
When they ask what you do. Tell them you are an asset-manager. When they ask how much you make, tell them I do very good, but its been a long road.
Do you see a CEO or a MD ashamed of his trails and sucess, nope, cuz we all know it took a long time to get where they are at.
Loose the doubt and the guilt, better yet go have some stiff drinks and absorb it all in. And like they say, beware the edge could be diminished if the market changes.
EF
Did you consider that maybe this is all in your head?
You seem to have convinced yourself that people will react negatively to your success, and this is making you feel uncomfortable about it. Perhaps this has something to do with your own ideas about success? Were you told that rich people were greedy, or bad, at some point in life?
In reality, I can't see how your position would be any different if your success was in some other field... being a great surgeon, having a small business that takes off, being a pro athlete, etc. You'd still feel the same way, I'm sure. There are probably some psychologists who cater to this subset of the population, maybe you could find some info on the web as to how they advise their clients to deal with these feelings?
I'm not rich, so can't comment personally. But yeah I can see how some people could get put off by someone else's success, but if that happens it's their problem, don't make it yours. Don't really know what else to tell you. Maybe find some fellow high achievers to hang out with? Good luck.
You seem to have convinced yourself that people will react negatively to your success, and this is making you feel uncomfortable about it. Perhaps this has something to do with your own ideas about success? Were you told that rich people were greedy, or bad, at some point in life?
In reality, I can't see how your position would be any different if your success was in some other field... being a great surgeon, having a small business that takes off, being a pro athlete, etc. You'd still feel the same way, I'm sure. There are probably some psychologists who cater to this subset of the population, maybe you could find some info on the web as to how they advise their clients to deal with these feelings?
I'm not rich, so can't comment personally. But yeah I can see how some people could get put off by someone else's success, but if that happens it's their problem, don't make it yours. Don't really know what else to tell you. Maybe find some fellow high achievers to hang out with? Good luck.
The issue that I perceive is that if I were to talk about it with friends, some would want to know EXACTLY what I'm doing. And if I told them, and they told others...you get my drift. So I don't want to broach the topic with them because they will continually fish for details and then eventually get mad for not sharing. i.e., "If you were really my friend, you'd tell me your secrets".
I'm not ashamed of my success, and FWIW, I have a lot of "doubling time" before I'll consider myself a success. but I do like to share what I'm doing day to day with my friends. For example, I'd be the doctor that would talk about my work and I wouldn't be ashamed to drive a "Doctor's car".
I do have plans for philanthropy...thats not a problem. But for the longest time, when I was searching for a system that worked, I invited my friends to collaborate on it and I talked to them about results. Now that I'm getting real results and those results "seem" like they will continue I don't think I can talk about it anymore. Maybe the guy who invented Coca Cola felt the same way...his friends all wanted to know what was in it so they could start their own Cola company, but he couldn't tell them for fear of hurting himself financially. They probably resented him. Know what I mean?
Thanks for all your help....I think E.T. is the best solution.
BTW, I really would like to hear some personal examples of jealous family members who found out about successful trading. If you can share those stories, I think we'd all be interested.
SM
I once had a house in the hills of El Paso, Texas on the west side and I paid off my mortgage with my day trading in Pink Sheets....that was a wild ride. That really was a stressful situation as I did not save enough money to pay the taxes...but the house got paid off.
anyways I made the mistake of telling my neighbor....
He was a daytrader also and got real mad at me when I did not tell him about a quick moving pink sheet that day...actually there were two...but I decided never to tell him how much I made on the second one.
I was younger then....I sometimes do not even remember it.
ES
anyways I made the mistake of telling my neighbor....
He was a daytrader also and got real mad at me when I did not tell him about a quick moving pink sheet that day...actually there were two...but I decided never to tell him how much I made on the second one.
I was younger then....I sometimes do not even remember it.
ES
Telling a good friend you have always traded the option market... He gets the idea and start reasing funds from his friends and familys and tells them how he will make a 100% return for them with my help, without first checking with me... Guess how that ended... Yes, he spended every last penny of it...
How about sharing your thoughts and trading ideas with another friend, spending hours, day's for free to let them get a clue how it works. Then he thinks he has found something new in the market and ask you want to buy it from him... (That even did not work for him, he is still working for a boss)
No sir, I have learned my lesson. Or did I?
Nope,
Let's do it again. A guy who made two million dollars in the market before the crash of 2000. Comes for advise to me. I tell him somethings and give him a bigger picture to learn from. Six years later of my time and devotion he is still nowhere because of a lack of commitment to follow some simple orders... I ended that relationship with telling him it wil cost a fortune now if he want to ask yet another question about trading.
Did I now learn my lesson? Yes, it sinking in. Keep your mouth shut...
So on family and friends diners, I do not talk about my profession. I do talk about my car, that I love(Ferrari), or the things I buy or want to buy. I talk about my other businesses, but I do not talk about my trading. Period.
It is hard. Not only for me but also for my wife. They know I do not bunch anymore, but now they try to convince my wife that I must share the 'system' to make money. And believe me, if you are succesfull long enough everyone you know will ask for it... Maybe not now, maybe not tommorow, but when they are in a financial crisis, they will come and ask you. The people really think that there is nothing to it. It is just pressing some buttons on a computer, right? They don't see the years you have spend working on your self to get it right. Your mind set, your emotional being, your computerskills and then spending years to get a head...
My advise, suck it up. See it as growing up and becoming a great trader when you stop talking about your results...
"Bene vixit qui bene latuit"
He lives well who lives well hidden.
--Ovid
He lives well who lives well hidden.
--Ovid
Do you think a doctor or a successful businesman are ever asked, "tell me exactly how you do it".. You answer should be, here read this book and this book and then come to me, it takes years to get to a consistent level. I bet 90% never get back to you.
Dont be afraind of success. "most people are afraid of success and afraid of failure, thats why they stay in the middle---Tony Robbins.
Its true, some people wouldn't know how to handle success. What you have to do is surround yourself with successful people.
Hey SM, I think you just need a little imagination. What you need is camaraderie. So just post a thread starter in the Hook Up section, that you are looking for "Traders to chit-chat", let's say via Skype or a blog, state what you trade and when you are available and you might find 2-3 similar fellows...
Simple as it is....
Simple as it is....