The Daytrader Stigma

I think with all due respect to your Grandma ,Praetorian 2; think Grandma would be more accurate if she compared trading to horse ranching not horse racing.

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Keep us informed of Grandma and her counter trend comments. My Granny misses a ''few points'' but gets some patterns right.:cool:

I am early on this sometimes takes me 21 days to reply.
 
From my diary

November 5th

Today I had dinner at my cousin's. Her husband was a huge pain in the ass, 'cause he wanted to talk about me. I think somehow they want to hurt me for my being quiet about what it is exactly that I am doing. They are bothered that I don't let them be a part of it.
He began by saying that it's unfair that I expect to make a living without working like everybody else. Then he covered his ass by saying that he was just talking because he was worried about me, and wanted me to get along with people more and better. Then he went on telling me what to do with my life, my job, that I shouldn't leave it, and all sorts of things, about me having problems, and he kept saying "by your own admission" all the time, which was not true. I always knew that people didn't understand me, but for many years I have kept on discussing with them, trying to explain to them my thinking. To no use. Now, after the surgery, I can't take any more of their stupid and false reactions to my efforts and sincerity. It just hurts me too much. I feel that I have put up with enough from them already. From now on, I will have to step up the efforts of discouraging them from engaging in conversations that center on myself, and my life.
What do they want? Why? I don't care to know their stupid opinions on my life, or my character. I don't care. Keep them to yourselves. You'd complain as hell if I did the same with you. So what do you come busting my balls with advice for? Fuck you all. It is going to be easy to discourage them, all I have to do is say nothing about myself. They keep on trying to make me talk about myself, so they'll chip in some advice, but I won't even start next time. I already learned to do that with my aunt, now I have to do it with my cousin's husband, 'cause no one has ever busted my balls as he did tonight at dinner.
 
When he insults you, hit back harder. When he points out your failings, point out his and take no prisoners.

Once he gets a taste of his own medicine he might shut up for a change. Besides, you'll feel better about yourself- anything feels better than being a passive punching bag.
 
I've had responses from people I've met at parties and social gatherings that have stretched across the whole spectrum, from flattery and reverence, to envy and contempt. Part of being a trader is being proud of what you do. Learning to cope with the fact that some people may think you are a gambler, a lucky duty shirker, or a scoundrel for what you do for a living is something that I think a lot of traders have to deal with. If you find that it bothers you, it may very well sneak up into your trading psyche and affect you outright, or even on a subconscious level. And that ain't good.
 
If they don't think they can attack you they probably wont and if they think you are a success they probably will come around especially if they see you getting respect from others.
 
Yeah, you're all correct in your assessment of the problem. Molon Labe, I know I shouldn't be a "punching bag", and I won't, but that attitude and talking was quite unexpected and it found me unprepared.
If you have relatives who usually care for you and are nice and generous to you, and, all of a sudden, they show you envy and dislike and contempt, it's not that easy to start treating them as enemies, and hit back. How could I expect that two of my favorite relatives would invite me to dinner, and then hurt me like that ("don't you feel bad about being so privileged?").
From now on, I know what I am up against. The funny thing is that they didn't mind my trading at all, until I kept my job and lost money. Now that they fear I might actually be successful at it, they asked me if I'd teach them, and I said "unlikely" (they never believed that I would ever make it, and called it an "illusion"). Then I stopped talking about it altogether and that's when things started to deteriorate.
Envy really turns friends into enemies. I never realized that.
 
Where I live, several of my friends day trade for a living. So it is not stigmatized at all. I live on a boat in a marina, so I guess we are all a little different.
When I go to work however.....all of one day a week on Saturday when the market is closed.....all the old ladies think I am going to loose my shirt.....until I point out I work one day a week for fun and human contact. I have done electrolysis for 25 years and I don't want to let my hairy friends down!:)
 
Yes, bobcathy1, I need your help, too, with the hair on my back. But, for now, let's keep it.

Listen, I want to discuss further my social problems, which I have always had, even before I started trading, and that's maybe why I started trading, to try to escape from the regular life and regular people that I hate so much.

Another feeling I have that I want to talk about is the feeling that all of you on this board I feel closer to, than to all of my relatives and even parents. I know that I could rely more on them than on you. But, intellectually, I feel much closer to all the people on this board. This board is equipped with deep thinkers and philosophers, and it takes an outsider and anticonformist to be a good trader. A person who conforms to society will never have the idea that he can outsmart the others and make money with trading. He'll think that he has to listen to other's advice, so he'll do that - he'll follow the advice of the person he considers the most expert in finance. But whether that advice is good or bad, it will always be too late to make any money. Instead, the free thinker will apply himself. The person who thinks with his own brain, that is. That's quite rare. And most of them are on this board.

This feeling of not being understood by those surrounding me in my daily life, lead me, recently, to talk less and less about my feelings and my thoughts. I used to be, and I still am, someone who could talk openly about anything, even the hair on my back. Well, now I get so hurt by people's stupidity and falseness that I can only talk about how I feel on this board, or in my journal.

Besides feeling hurt by the stupid responses I get from these people, I am now also disgusted by the respect or envy or interest they show all of a sudden because they realize that I have something of value. I feel that I could easily teach all I know about the markets to a stranger on this board (or any other financial forum), whereas I would feel repelled by the idea of giving even one insight to these relatives who never believed in me. I am disgusted. Easy to say for that poster to not be a "punching bag": how can you defend yourself when you can't even trust your relatives anymore? Everyone who surrounds me now either wants to get something out of me, knowledge or money, or if he can't, then he wants to tell me how selfish I am. But where were they when I was struggling? They were all laughing behind my back. So I now feel like Scarface's Tony Montana, in his bathtub smoking a cigar, when he says to Manny, "Eh, fuck you, man! Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me! [I don't need him; I don't need her. Everything is roses; I don't need nobody]"

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This comparison with Tony Montana I do not understand. It seems to hint that you really do feel selfish in some way. There seems to be mixed feelings.

Basically I have lost patience with people trying to guilt trip me and generally tries to manipulate like teenagers. If they don't like my ways they can kiss my ass. It's my life. But if you really do have problems it is another issue. Then it is about selfresponsibility and you have to someday and somehow deal with it. There is a lot of blame in your post so maybe this is something to think about.

When people try to help you, you usually get problems and your relationship gets screwed so perhaps you should move. Get new perspectives, new friends, new lifestyle, more independence and leave the old crap behind. Take responsibility for recreating yourself and your outlook. This you can do and it works better that trying to change your relatives. Go get some fresh air.
 
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