Hi all. I've been trading for 10 years now. I was doing some online research and found this article about a kid that describes losing his emotions by suppressing them:
But, like him it also affected my other positive emotion. I can't feel things like love, happiness, or even an emotional connection with other people. It's like I somehow turned myself into a fvcking sociopath. Not having emotions helped a lot while trading but has destroyed my social life. I'm in my late twenties and want to get married someday, but being as how I am I can't feel anything for the girls I'm been with except for lust.
I guess I though I'd write this to show the how dark the Dark Side of Trading can be. And want to see if there's any other traders that can relate to this. Thanks.
When I read this, I became shocked at how much I could relate to this kid. When I started trading I had all the bad emotions like greed, euphoria , fear, and panic like everyone else. And like everyone else it cost me a lot of money. Over time I've looked for way that I could try to keep them under control. But somehow instead of control I found a way to "destroy" them instead. Now while trading I don't feel those emotions anymore; at least not as intense. And I'm fine with that while trading....i am an 18 year old guy in university, i live a pretty average life, have normal loving parents, but i feel like im in a trap, i feel like im meant for something bigger
anyways all my life i have been really emotional, i would get nervous, scared, happy, sad, etc. at the smallest things that you would never make a big deal about
i saw my emotions as a huge weakness and i sought to take them away, the main one was fear, i was afraid of everything
so about 1 - 1 1/2 years ago i found this natural cures book that outlines a tapping technique that you do on yourself to make you not crave food, (btw I should add i was about 50 pounds over weight at this time and completely down on myself) anyways i did the tapping technique and it had an unforeseen effect on me i never expected. (btw i have now lost 40 pounds and am looking better than ever)
i couldnt become afraid, at all. i was so afraid of heights that stepping on a stool would make my heart start to beat, and here i was standing on a table and my heart wasnt reacting like normal, it was calm. Now i only used this technique about 6 -8 times in my life, but some how my body learned to suppress my fear on its own.
but ive noticed that over the span of a year which was the last time i did the technique, i have become extremely good at supressing my fear to the point that i have been suppressing my other emotions as well, and i only noticed this now
for example i was recently in an extremely embarrassing situation, and i noticed that my embarrassment inside me was only half as strong, it felt artificial like it was missing a huge part of it
another thing is i noticed that i havent been truly happy since i started suppressing, i mean i laugh and joke around, but i havent had that intense feeling of being happy
another example is that i recently went to a dance, normally with girls i get very nervous and something like touching their hand gets me going over the top with excitement and fervor
so i was grinding with this girl and feelin her up and stuff and i felt my body react but my mind acted as if it didnt care, it almost didnt feel real to me
all my emotions have been half as intense as before and lacking in fullness, and declining
now that i noticed it ive noticed them getting more suppressed everyday
i mean that is good for me but are there some unforeseen consequences im missing, i told this to a friend and he says im going through depression, but im not depressed
its gotten to the point were i really dont care about anyone, i wouldnt care if a person died in front of me and i dint try to help them, my morals are all gone (which i like and am fine with)
anyone have any ideas?
But, like him it also affected my other positive emotion. I can't feel things like love, happiness, or even an emotional connection with other people. It's like I somehow turned myself into a fvcking sociopath. Not having emotions helped a lot while trading but has destroyed my social life. I'm in my late twenties and want to get married someday, but being as how I am I can't feel anything for the girls I'm been with except for lust.
I guess I though I'd write this to show the how dark the Dark Side of Trading can be. And want to see if there's any other traders that can relate to this. Thanks.