My God, my God, what have I done? This journal thing seemed like such a good idea last night. But now I am not so sure.
Allow me to explain. I have been at this for a very long time. It is the greatest challenge I have ever encountered. It all started out with the dream of becoming rich â filthy rich. But over the years it evolved into something quite different. It became a game, a hobby. And just being right became far more important than making money.
Over the years a pattern developed. Most every weekend has been devoted to studying my charts, reading, and contemplation. Weekend after weekend. And almost without fail, some great revelation would appear. I would see things that I never saw before. I would suddenly understand things that I never understood before. This has been going on for years.
Sundays are always filled with not only hope, but genuine excitement and anticipation â just waiting for the markets to reopen on Monday. Every Monday is a new beginning, a fresh start. Do you understand what I am saying? Do you go through the same syndrome?
Well tomorrow is Monday. A day I always look forward to â but maybe not this time. Maybe this time in my effort to force more discipline on myself, I have backed my ass into a corner. For me, trading has always been very personal, very private. But now with this stunt all of that changes.
Now I leave myself open to second-guessing, possible ridicule, snickering, and the dreaded âI told you soâ that is almost certain to come no matter what. But as I have already stated, I am doing this for my benefit. It is not being done for educational purposes, nor to prove anything. Itâs purpose, itâs sole purpose is to force myself to follow through in a trade.
I have long since gotten over the fear of pulling the trigger. My problem now is being to quick to pull it again â thereby shooting myself in the foot.
Oh my God, there are only twenty-two and a half hours to go â (GULP).