Stern: "Laker's a lock"

A

AAAintheBeltway

Press release from NBA headquarters. For immediate distribution.

NBA Commissioner David Stern today issued a guarantee to all media partners of the league that the Los Angeles Lakers, the remaining big market team in the NBA playoffs, would definitely be in a seven game Finals. "The NBA Finals are too important to the media partners to allow two small market teams to contest our showcase event", Stern said. " Accordingly, I issued instructions to the officiating office to ensure that the Lakers prevailed against the Timberwolves, hopefully in no more than six games. I think the officiating in last night's game showed that my instructions are being followed."
 
Additional. Press release from NBA Headquarters. For immediate release.

NBA Announces Reality Show

To maintain fan interest during the three week offseason, the NBA is today announcing a new reality TV show to be broadcast over the summer. The show will be entitled "Who Wants To Be A Gangsta?" and will feature high school street gang members interacting with real life NBA stars. In each episode, an NBA star will "audition" gang members in a thrilling urban scenario. The winners from across the country will then be invited to attend the NBA draft to lend "street cred" to the event. While the weekly plots are a closely guarded secret, we can reveal the first episode will involve "The Answer", a role model for street thugs everywhere, who will select four gangbangers to participate in a driveby shooting. The Answer will then pick the thug he would most want to join his posse.

The league anticipates spinoffs in the video game market and possibly full length feature films.
 
Yet another news release from NBA Headquarters.

Inspired by the example of the Massachusetts Supreme Court, the NBA Office of Officiating today released an Official Interpretation of its Rule of Play. The following shall be added to Section 45(a)(3) "Personal Foul":...and furthermore if the offensive player shall be named "Kobe Bryant" or "Shaquille O'Neill" and said player is in possession of the ball and making any attempt whatsoever to shoot, pass or dribble and a defensive player shall be within 15 feet of him, then it shall be an automatic personal foul on such defensive player and two free throws shall be awarded." Annotation: See Official Interpretation relating to "Michael Jordan."

The following shall be added to Section 76(c)(9) "Offensive Fouls":...Furthermore, nothing in this section shall ever be applied to the player named "Shaquille O'Neill".
 
Awwww cummon guys, Lakers ain't gonna let no little pissant Minnysoatuh team take 'em down!

And any team that desperately resorts to hack-a-shaq as a main strategy deeeeserves to lose. BTW it is sad to watch a 7' 330 pound man whine like a little baby when he didn't get a couple fouls...
 
How can anybody watch a game where the outcome is 100% contingent on the referees? (Note--- I love college hoops, but the NBA is a joke).

Not to mention that 80% of the league are gangsta thugs.

NBA....it's anything but fantastic.
 
Quote from pisspotpete:

How 'bout dem Lakers!!!???

Still think it is only the refs that win 'em games? :D
More...

only when its close ...... can the ref swing games.....which they have done plenty in the past when it comes to LA...ill tell u this much, ill take detriot to win it all....watch...just watch......
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top