Since I can't make any money...

You need to make books and DVDs (sold as sponsored content on Amazon of course) to steer noobs to your for-pay chat room, where you pump and dump low float stocks of forgotten companies. In doing so, you get to victimize decadent capitalists and charge them for the privilege and sell them more and more books explaining why they aren't making money. Some youtube vids, too, with lots of stunt trading. Record EVERYTHING, but of course only post the vids that tell the real story, not those aberrant anomalies that show you losing or turning mediocre profits. You want a catchy company name, too, complete with a really kewl logo and trademark. Rent exotic cars or just sit in them at the dealership for selfies. Same with a nice little mansion somewhere. Don't worry... you will have one of your own soon enough so it isn't actually dishonest. Photoshop your bank and brokerage statements and screenies of your platform with P/L showing. You will rape those exploiting capitalists where it hurts them the most, and they will actually volunteer for it. Oh, and your website must have a nice disclaimer and quit-claim forbidding public discussion of your methods or giving you libelous reviews. You will want a lawyer on staff by the time you make your first Million with this business so you can sue right and left, and silence any criticism.

It is a tried and proven business model. A sure path to incredible riches! I can teach you how to do this, online, for an upfront nonrefundable payment of only $250k, which is peanuts compared to the coin you will be pulling in when you put the lessons to work in real life. It will be the best investment you could possibly make for your financial future.
 
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