In further corrections to official Russian government statements:
* Prior to his career as a KGB agent, Vladimir Putin did not work in the adult entertainment industry as some claim. Rumors of a lawsuit surrounding the patent ownership of a tiny dildo cast from male genitalia and named 'Little Volodya' are simply rumors, and the large number of polonium poisonings in the Moscow sex toy trade are unrelated.
* In spite of efforts by the West, the economy of Russia is in perfect shape according to the latest report from Finance Minister Anton Siluanov. As plans to peg the value of the ruble to a basket of currencies including BlyaatCoin and Skee-ball tickets have worked brilliantly, the Finance Ministry has announced that the chocolate ration will be increased to twenty grams a week.
* Yesterday's Very Special episode of the beloved children's show Blyaat the Caat, in which the cursing feline performed his sacred patriotic duty and enlisted in the army for the Special Military Operation in Ukraine was not a result of FSB agents storming the animation studio with guns drawn. The show's creators have also not been threatened with gulag should any further instructions to The Resistance be broadcast.
* To the delight of motor enthusiasts, the 2023 Lada Granta is almost here. Featuring the beloved box body shape, a purring .5 liter petrol engine, a fully automatic one speed transmission, and the ability to go from zero to sixty meters per hour in under a minute, this automobile will stun the world and stand out on the racing tracks. Delivery of the first models will commence as soon as a supply of windshield cardboard can be found.
* Claims that Ukraine has used tactics developed by the US special operations forces to delay our grand Special Military Operation are false. All delays have been caused by one carelessly smoking soldier named Ivan who has accidentally lit fires in twenty-eight separate Oblasts destroying two hundred and fifteen ammunition dumps, railway stations, command bunkers, Battalion Tactical Groups, tank divisions, airfields, and regiments of VDV paratroopers who were mid-parachute drop. Ivan has been disciplined and will be restricted to KP for the foreseeable future.