Taken from social media...
In further corrections from official Russian statements:
* Russian forces have not shot down the Death Star.
* Star Trek Discovery was not an FSB false flag operation, no matter what you might think about Chakotay.
* While he is surrounded by violent and repugnant mutants, Vladimir Putin is not The Master.
* There have been no reputable sightings of a Russian submarine on the moon.
* Vladimir Putin is not known to possess multiple penises which can articulate and hold assault rifles. This is not how penises work.
* The explosions in the last fourteen Russian ammunition stockpiles cannot be explained by 'an excess of zeal'
* The Soyuz rocket has slightly more upward thrust than an exploded T-72 turret.
* The S-400 anti-aircraft system is absolutely capable of scanning the sky and detecting threats larger than the moon. The S-500 anti-aircraft system is expected to increase this system sensitivity to the point of being able to detect continents.
* That fat Russian general in the news was not in fact a general. You know the guy I'm talking about. He has been put on a diet, and he has introduced plans to crush Ukraine once and for all. This will not involve him falling over.
* The Kamov Ka-52 attack helicopter has been developed by Russian internal military industries to carry, in addition to its normal rocket artillery load, a deployable missile containing bacon grease which military specialists predict will encourage that previously mentioned Russian general into a massive, kaiju-style stomping attack on Ukrainian missile forces. While he may not have the agility to directly Godzilla-attack most Ukrainian HIMARS units he . . . crap, he fell over. Never mind. Skip this bullet point, Bylaaat someone get some lard
* The Russian ministry of propaganda has placed a fatwa against Garfield. Lasagna and Mondays are outlawed. Instead, Russian children will be entertained by Blyaat the Caat and his friends, Unexploded Ordnance Opo and Jon, the hilariously intoxicated cab driver. Watch their hi jinks as they try to find things to ferment!
* Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego has been outlawed by Putin's government. Instead, youngsters will enthrall themselves with where can I find potato and Can I eat tree bark? in tribute to glorious Best Korean government. Never again shall our citizens go hungry when dirt is to be found!