Rowenwoods Granny

S

sjp

rowenwood
02-13-04 06:59 AM
Today I was informed that my grandma just lost 450,000 rand.
A South African comapny she had bonds in went bankrupt. I told her to fire her accountant. If anyone has any recomendations for my grandma regarding getting her money out of SA and into USA (she is a US resident) please let me know. My family is getting "bled dry." We were worth over 10 m US before the SA eco turned to shit, now less than 2m.

We need help. I don't know enough about their strict regulations to infrom my law fearing granny what to do. I'm furious about this 450,000 r loss. There is no excuse for allowing her money to go down with the ship. What can we do?


Rowenwoods plight has really touched me...... Suggestions for him below please. I have had an idea or two, but will limit myself to suggesting just one of these.

Please, let us help him

Yours
Concerned Trader
 
Heres one for you.....

All you need is a bag of bricks, a police uniform, a shovel, some rubber gloves, a doctor open to bribery, a blow up doll and a convincing telephone manner. Granny need not know of the full extent of the plan, but should at least know the basic facts to play along.

1. Convince your granny to take out a whopping life insurance policy (in region of $3,000,000 accidental death coverage). This must be done at least 1 month before stage 2.

2. Go round to grannys house and call up some pipe-hitting crack dealers from the shanty town.

3. Give them your Granny address and say she has a large quantity of crack to sell them at a ridiculously low price (encased in a simple garden shovel handle).

4. Hide in the box room while your Granny has her breakfast - (dress the doll in the police uniform). And wait for the shanty villians to pick up the shovel.

5. Wait for the crackheads to arrive and start hassling Granny, then burst through the door with the 'police-doll' outstretched in front of you. This should scare them off quickly and they will scarper - leaving you in the kitchen with your shocked granny.

6. Calmly put on a set of rubber gloves and invite your granny to sit at the kitchen table. Then hit her with reasonable force with the shovel. This should incapacitate her and the crackheads fingerprints will be on the shovel.

7. Quickly dress her in the police uniform that was on the doll. Puncture the doll (no longer needed), and call your doctor friend. He, for a small bribe, (perhaps a quantity of crack?), will pronounce her dead at the scene and the police will scour the shanty towns for the crack heads responsible.

8. Arrange safe transportation for Granny over land to Namibia and fly to New York via Windoek - London. By this time, the blow up doll and bag of bricks will be safely buried.

9. Collect your bounty and join your fully recovered granny in America!

What could be simpler! Hope all this helps.

Yours
Helpful Trader
 
I wonder if your mother knows that you are using the family computer? Although in another thread you mention that you own a restaurant, based on your posts I have identified you as a 13 or possibly 14 year old who has recently been suspended from school for smoking. I suggest you go back to school. I realize that you will take this as insulting, but if you think for a moment (try it, I think the sensation will be novel and interesting for you) you may realize that this isn't the right place for you. If you study hard and graduate, then you will be welcome back here anytime. Best Regards, Steve46

P.S. your comments about Rowenwood's grandmother are in bad taste. If you continue in this vein, you will find at some point in time that most of us will tend to ignore you.
 
Steve,

I found your words harsh. In equal measure I found the sentiment behind them fair. Sometimes in life there are tough lessons to be learned.

I think I just learned one of them.

Sir, I stand corrected.

Yours
Schoolboy trader
 
Indeed SJP seems to be right on this one, my granny too lost a lot, but not rand £ and I tried a similar scam as the one mentioned. This method paid off nicely and netted me a cool £5 mill. To this day I still remember the delight on granny's face when i handed her the large amounts of crack, It made her arthritus that much bearable. I now trade index futures from the comfort of my cell nowing granny will be looked after by her investment.

Three cheers for SJP... What a guy. horray.

Give it a go. its gotta be better than working

true
 
Hi fellas,

My granny is a lady trader. She signed up at the same broker as Hillary Rodham Clinton in the hope to als get into some good juicy trades in Pork Bellies and Live Cattle.

Poor granny, it cost her dearly! If I read you fellas correctly, should I recommend my granny to get into crack trading?

nononsense
 
Quote from sjp:

Heres one for you.....

All you need is a bag of bricks, a police uniform, a shovel, some rubber gloves, a doctor open to bribery, a blow up doll and a convincing telephone manner. Granny need not know of the full extent of the plan, but should at least know the basic facts to play along.

1. Convince your granny to take out a whopping life insurance policy (in region of $3,000,000 accidental death coverage). This must be done at least 1 month before stage 2.

2. Go round to grannys house and call up some pipe-hitting crack dealers from the shanty town.

3. Give them your Granny address and say she has a large quantity of crack to sell them at a ridiculously low price (encased in a simple garden shovel handle).

4. Hide in the box room while your Granny has her breakfast - (dress the doll in the police uniform). And wait for the shanty villians to pick up the shovel.

5. Wait for the crackheads to arrive and start hassling Granny, then burst through the door with the 'police-doll' outstretched in front of you. This should scare them off quickly and they will scarper - leaving you in the kitchen with your shocked granny.

6. Calmly put on a set of rubber gloves and invite your granny to sit at the kitchen table. Then hit her with reasonable force with the shovel. This should incapacitate her and the crackheads fingerprints will be on the shovel.

7. Quickly dress her in the police uniform that was on the doll. Puncture the doll (no longer needed), and call your doctor friend. He, for a small bribe, (perhaps a quantity of crack?), will pronounce her dead at the scene and the police will scour the shanty towns for the crack heads responsible.

8. Arrange safe transportation for Granny over land to Namibia and fly to New York via Windoek - London. By this time, the blow up doll and bag of bricks will be safely buried.

9. Collect your bounty and join your fully recovered granny in America!

What could be simpler! Hope all this helps.

Yours
Helpful Trader
More...

What if he is not that fond of Granny? He could hit her with more than "reasonable force", skip #8-9, and start spending the money!!!
 
Indeed, I am to the conclusion that pork bellies have had their day and feel free for your gran to phone my gran. AKA super gran
 
Newtoet,

You have a good point there actually. It would be possible to, how shall we say, modify the plan. However it would take a man with a hard heart indeed to think that rowenwood was simply pissed off that his grandmothers estate has decreased in value from 10 to 2 million.

No no, I believe that first and foremost his thoughts are for his granny personally at this difficult time - which is what makes the plan so pleasing, so perfect, if you will.

Yours
Planning trader
 
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