would you like to give any advice about how despaired I am?
would you like to show proof that you are actually trading and not just attacking traders here?
This is not directed at you, I'm just speaking generally. I wasn't even attacking you.
Hitting rock bottom is usually a good result. It means you can move on from your failure. The worst thing is to remain in a situation that isn't getting better and isn't getting worse while failing to achieve your goals. To accept that you are failing at something is tough.