Quote from jasper6:
...I don't know what to do. I'm 51 and alone...
I feel your pain, brother, and I'm concerned.
The fact that you posted this topic about your losses keeps me from being more than concerned.
You're in a dangerous place and you need to seek safety. Stay with the therapist, share this with family/ friends, don't isolate, and cut back on "mind altering substances" if you partake. And take a defined amount of time off from trading.
What's at stake: A Wall Street veteran of over 10 years who worked for one of the most recognizable men in finance, who returned to his home town with 6+ million/wife/children, who traded his own account for a few years, who was in process of starting a hedge fund, who was always "doing great"/smiling/jovial--------this man, my friend, shot himself last month.
He had lost everything: the January lows nailed him, the lower lows blew up his account. No one knew anything, because he never let on. Now his family is reeling...emotionally & financially.
It's darned difficult for men to admit their business failings to others, especially men in our age bracket. The fact that you were able to do so, even masked in the anonymity of an internet forum, is a sign of strength---I salute you for that.
Personally, I went full time trader in February of 2000...bubble burst in March and my education began. For me, it took 3 years to stop the bleeding and become a break-even trader. I'm in my second year post "oh, now I get it" period and am quite profitable.
My opinion: If you're feeling the "fight or flight" level of anxiety when trading, something is amiss. You're either trading too much size, or you're not sure what you're doing (no plan), or you may be getting a little too much of the excitement rush that can interfere with success.
I'm not qualified to teach, so I won't try.
Stumbling upon your topic, in light of recent events......well, I just could not not reply. The money stuff will work itself out in time.
My advice: step outside, look up and let the sun shine on your face for a while. The weather is great this time of year, and no amount of money can buy
that.