Trading is an unsuitable choice for you as it is for most amateurs.Quote from jasper6:
I've been trying to make it as a trader for eight years. I have yet to have a profitable year. I have been living off my savings from a previous venture and that is now below $75K.
You will experience freedom in letting it go. Let it go. Any alternative is not as bad as you currently see it. Life is abundant. Do not fear your future in any shape or form. And you will know these famous words: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." President Franklin D. Roosevelt