Quote from NeoRio1:
Interesting.
Before you were 20 though who and how did you get pointed in the direction of god?
I think it happened when I was 16 when I was screwing my girlfriend.

Kind of a mini-revelation. She was divine. I couldn't believe she or anyone could evolve from dust and return to dust. So I was turned on to the idea of gOd, which is the gOd of the "big O". This is gOd the hooker, the tempter...the gOd which makes "the universe". Science now indicates that the "big O" is a lot like heroin on the central nervous/brain system. So it was an erection that pointed my in the direction of gOd.
When I broke up with her, I really screwed myself. I could kinda see that I was experiencing insanity, and I felt super guilty to the point of despair. "gOd" really set me up good. So, in the two or so years after high school I remember going to the library often. I would look at all the books and think, 'somewhere in here has got to be the truth.' And I would look around. I was probably looking for the gOd of the "big O" but willing for whatever.
Quote from NeoRio1:
As for the epiphanies i think you have realized that there is a large amount of holes within any organized religious organization. Upon realizing that you turned to yourself and self help books to find the answers.
Once again everything you know comes from people. Everything people know comes from other people.
What you're not understanding is that all truth comes from within. People and books are
within me. And if anyone wants the truth, the people, the books, and the epiphanys from "within" will answer their call. Within me are also stupid books, and mindless people. These are symptomatic of the initial confusion that begets "the universe" in the first place. There are mostly stupid books and mindless people because "the universe" begins on 99.999999% mindless stupidity. Among the ignorant, memes pass for "knowledge", passing from mind to mind, which is really one mind.
The three epiphanys I outlined were the most powerful messages I recieved, despite all the voices and memes that I heard and looked at. It may sound cliche, but the word of GoD is living and active. It is only in retrospect that I recognize them as the word of GoD. At the time, they were just voiceless messages that were stronger than any message I ever heard with ears. Their hallmark was a deep certainty, like a mini-knowing. I accepted them. Now, whether they are true or not is kind of moot. You go with what you know. And if you only know three little things, then go with them. I trust that I am asking for truth with integrity. Why should I not take these messages for truth?
These three ephiphanys served as lights and guides which have brought me to where I am now in a gradually awakening awareness of who and what I really am. Who and what I am is my "home". It is entirely free of fear so it's legit. I am responsible for concepts of fear . "The universe" is something that happens to me. So I am responsible for "the universe".
Christ!